Ninja Hare
by HyperGravityWave
Summary: When Bugs Bunny takes a wrong turn at Albuquerque, he ends up at the Land of Waves, and meets Zabuza and Team 7. Thus begins the insanity...
1. From Albuquerque to the Land of Waves

Bugs Bunny dug his way through the earth, heading toward the Land of Waves. Of course, Bugs didn't know that at the time – he thought he was heading for Miami Beach, for his vacation. He'd always been meaning to go there, but he'd always taken a right at Albuquerque instead of a left. Ah well. Maybe he'd make it this time.

As he emerged from his hole and looked at his surroundings, he heard a whistle of wind, and someone yelling, "Get down!" Bugs instinctively jumped back into his hole as a huge sword whizzed overhead, and hit a tree.

Bugs climbed out of his hole and looked at where the sword had hit. It was embedded deep into the tree it had hit, and a large, muscular man stood on top of it. Next to him, there was one blond kid wearing bright orange, a dark-haired kid with a serious expression on his face, a pink-haired girl wearing some sort of weird dress, a man with a mask, and an old, short, drunk man. Bugs decided to focus on the man standing on the sword.

Retrieving his signature carrot from his pocket and munching on it for a few seconds, he then spoke. "Hey! Put dat ting away! You could hoit someone with dat!"

Zabuza, the man on the sword, was not used to people talking with him like that. He was even less used to rabbits talking like that. In fact, since when could rabbits talk?

Zabuza blinked twice, and then responded sheepishly. "Ah, well, that's kind of _the whole point_ of carrying around a big sword?"

Bugs grabbed the sword out of the tree and put it in his pocket. "Regardless of dat, doc, it's still not very nice to try to kill someone you just met!"

Zabuza blinked again. He, the _Demon of the Mist_ was being told, by a talking rabbit, that he _wasn't very nice_? He almost laughed at the sheer audacity of it.

"Well, rabbit," he responded, "You aren't involved in this. Just let me kill that old man over there and you can go on your way."

"Ehhh, dat's not a very nice ting to do either. Let's settle dis over a cup of tea. Oh, an' by the way, do you know where Miami Beach is? I probably took a wrong turn at Albuquerque again, an' if I have to make any more detours I won't have any vacation time left," Bugs responded, then ran off and came back, pushing a cart with tea and lumps of sugar. "Now then. How many lumps would you like?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't drink tea with sugar. No lumps, please," Zabuza said.

"Okay," Bugs agreed. "Let's see… you've got a lump right here," he said, pointing to Zabuza's head. He then took out a mallet, and repeatedly whacked Zabuza with it. "Just hold still, doc," Bugs said. "I'll fix up dat lump right away."

After two minutes (and five hundred blows, as well as a slightly squashed head), Zabuza grabbed the mallet and tossed it to the side. "All right, rabbit," he growled. "Playtime's over. Give me back my sword, and let me get back to killing the old man." He then looked around, and realized that Team 7 and Tazuna had left the area. "Never mind. I'll kill you first," he decided.

"Sorry doc, but I've tea time's over, an' I've got an appointment with Warner Brothers to get to. Do you think you can wait here for a few hours? Thanks! Bye!" With that, Bugs jumped into his hole, and started tunneling in a random direction. _Hopefully I can get to Miami this time,_ he thought.

—

Naruto Uzumaki walked along with the rest of Team 7 and Tazuna. It had been a very eventful day. The awesome C-rank mission (which was now an A-rank, according to Kakashi-sensei) was so much better than those lousy D-ranks his team had been doing up until now. He'd fought some enemy ninjas, gone out of the village, and had nearly been decapitated. And even better, he had gotten to see a talking rabbit!

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei," he started. "Who was that sword guy? And was that rabbit one of your summons?"

"The "sword guy", as you call him, is Zabuza Momochi, also known as the "Demon of the Mist", a Jounin-level missing-nin. As for the rabbit, I have no idea. My summons are dogs," Kakashi responded.

"And what's that dirt trail heading for us?" Naruto asked.

"Dirt… trail… Team, get ready for a fight. Sakura, you defend Tazuna. Apparently, Gato hired some ninjas from Stone as well as Mist," Kakashi said sternly.

As Team 7 moved into position, Bugs Bunny popped out of the hole with a carrot in his hand, and surveyed the landscape, and noticed a nearby lake. "Hey! Look! The ocean!" he yelled, and jumped out of the hole. Just as he was about to set up his umbrella, Naruto grabbed him.

"Hey! Rabbit-san! That was really cool what you did with that sword guy! And! And! Can you show me how to put that sword in your pocket? My name's Naruto Uzumaki, Future Hokage. Believe it!" Naruto shouted at the top of his lungs.

Thus began Bugs Bunny's (and Team 7's) descent into utter madness.

—

**A/N: So, this is my first story on this site. Hooray! Let me know what you think, and if you would like to see more of this insane Bugs Bunny/Naruto crossover. Please review!**


	2. Insanity in the Land of Waves

Bugs Bunny looked down at the blond brat currently shouting at the top of his lungs about something called a Hokage, and shrugged. What he'd done with the sword was ordinary for him. In fact, he'd done far more impressive things before, like saving the entire earth from destruction at the hands of a mad martian who wanted a better view of Venus. "Well, doc," he spoke, "I just put the sword in my pocket. Works for everyone. Now, who was dat sword guy back there, an' why does he want ta kill da old man?"

Tazuna then spoke up. "I'm a bridge builder," he said, "and I'm building a bridge to allow the Land of Waves to have an option other than Gato Shipping. Gato, not pleased with what I am trying to do, hired ninjas to kill me."

"I see," Bugs drawled. "An' just what does dat Gato guy look like?"

"Balding, kinda short, wears dark glasses, walks with a cane, why?" Tazuna responded. "He's not the dangerous one here. His mercenaries are."

"Let's just say I've got a plan for dealing with Hoiculese back there, and leave it at that," the rabbit said.

As soon as Bugs finished his sentence, Zabuza's sword flew into another nearby tree. The swordsman landed on it, and glared at the rabbit, then growled. "For humiliating me, rabbit, you die first. Then, to salvage my reputation, I'll kill the rest of you. Then I'll slaughter the village, so no one else will know."

"You know, it was a lot more impressive the first time you did the sword trick," Naruto called to Zabuza. "Now it's just old."

"Don't antagonize him further, idiot!" Sakura shouted, then punched Naruto in the forehead.

"You three," Zazuba said, "are a bunch of brats who shouldn't be wearing called 'ninja'. You don't deserve those headbands you're wearing. Especially not the blond brat. Do you know why I'm called the 'Demon of the Mist'?"

Bugs Bunny took the opportunity Naruto had given him to duck into a bush, put on a costume that would make him look like Gato, and prepare a scroll with some dynamite hidden. He then emerged from the bush, and looked directly at Zabuza. "So, 'Demon'. I hear you got humiliated by a bunch of brats and a talking rabbit! You didn't even manage to kill one of them! You're fired!" he said, then produced the scroll and handed it to Zabuza, lit dynamite inside. "See?" he said aggressively. "This scroll says that you're fired! Now get out of my sight, you pathetic 'demon'!"

"Haku?" Zabuza called.

"Yes, Zabuza-sama?" came the reply, and a very effeminate boy wearing a hunter-nin mask jumped down.

"Our job's over. We're killing Gato now." The swordsman then noticed that the scroll was hissing, and threw it to the side. "And he tried to kill us with an explosive tag."

"I'll take that as my cue to exit," Bugs (as Gato) said, then fled as fast as he could run. Zabuza and Haku followed in hot pursuit.

"I have to hand it to that rabbit," Kakashi said. "He is pretty clever. Even cleverer than Naruto."

"Hey!"

—

Bugs Bunny ran through the town, then ducked into an alley and changed into a fisherman costume. Zabuza and Haku were in hot pursuit. As they neared the intersection, they looked around, and Bugs took the opportunity to emerge. Pointing to the big building that said "Gato Shipping" on it, he said, "He went that way."

"Thanks, fisherman," Zabuza said. "Maybe I won't slaughter you after all. Come on, Haku. Let's go."

The pair then ran off, leaving Bugs behind them.

—––

One messy slaughter of Gato, his mercenaries, and anyone in Gato's building later, Zabuza was feeling much better. Haku was not.

He wasn't sure exactly what to expect as he stepped out of the building, but he was definitely not expecting a cheering crowd of citizens chanting his name and thanking him for saving them. He and Haku were then picked up, thrown into the air, and named governors of Wave country.

A few weeks later, the Great Zabuza Bridge was finished by Tazuna, and named after the Wave's savior and new governor. Team 7 left, feeling both successful and confused. They had a feeling they were going to see that talking rabbit again…

—––

Kakashi stood in the Hokage's office as the Third read his mission report. "So," Sarutobi said, "Your mission became an A-rank, Zabuza Momochi was tricked by a talking rabbit and is now governing Wave, Gato, the influential businessman, is dead, and there's a place where it's customary to drink tea with sugar. Ordinarily, I would recommend a psychiatric evaluation, but since the rest of Team 7 turned in similar mission reports –"

"–You'll accept it as the truth and let us be?" Kakashi asked hopefully.

"No. I'll be sending all of Team 7 to the psychiatrists, and you will be having remedial genjustu training," Sarutobi said.

"But Hokage-sama," Kakashi began, and was then cut off by an ANBU wearing a cat mask coming into the room.

"Yes, Cat?" the Hokage asked.

"There's a rabbit at the door asking for directions to someplace called Miami Beach. Also, he's asking to get paid for helping out Team 7 with their recent mission."

"Go inform the rest of the village that Hokage Tower is under a mass genjustu, and send for Kurenai Yuuhi. Get all nearby ninja to help dispel it, as well."

A/N: Thus ends Chapter 2. I hope you enjoyed it! Please review and favorite, and let me know if there's anything or any character you want to see, or anything I messed up on.


	3. Bugs's New Job!

A/N: Thanks to all of my reviewers, and SPECIAL thanks to Beardedaliengamer for catching a problem with the upload for Chapter 2. FFN was not being nice that night.

Now, without further ado, I present Chapter 3!

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Bugs Bunny started walking through Hokage tower, trying to find someone who knew where Miami Beach was. It was weird. Every time he entered a room and those ninjas saw him, they immediately pulled out daggers and started stabbing themselves while yelling "KAI!". It was very strange, but he still didn't want those ninjas to get hurt. So he confiscated (and shoved in his pocket) any sharp objects they had. They stopped yelling "KAI!" after that, which was good, because it was getting annoying.

As Bugs walked up the stairs to the fourth floor, Kurenai and Hinata inspected the Hokage tower.

"As best I can see, sensei," Hinata said, "There's no genjustu here. That rabbit is real. And, given the shape of his chakra network, not human."

Kurenai sighed. Hinata was right, and they'd been called all the way here for nothing. She tapped a nearby ANBU, and said "According to our assessment, there's no genjustu. Now can I get back to training my students?"

"I'll spread the word, Kurenai-san," the ANBU said, then sped off.

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Bugs bunny exited another room full of unhelpful and suicidal ANBU, and continued his trek through the building. He was almost at the top floor when he heard the shouting.

"He took my kunai!" one ANBU yelled from the second floor.

"Mine too!" yelled another, this one on the third floor.

"Shit! He took all our weapons!" yelled a third.

The shouts paused for a second, as if the ANBU were making a collective decision.

"Catch that rabbit!" came the cry from all floors. Not wanting to stick around, Bugs sped through the last few rooms, dodging thrown vases, chairs, and tables, as well as kicks and punches. He then came to a stop in a large room which contained a very old man, as well as that masked guy he'd seen in Wave. Dammit, he thought. I'm in a dead end!

Behind him, the ANBU force had caught up, and one of them (in a racoon mask) was moving his hand quickly, then breathing in, and spat out a huge fireball. "That should have killed him," the racoon-masked man said.

Bugs then tapped him on the shoulder, munching on a carrot, and drawled out, "Ehh… what's up, doc?"

The ANBU turned in surprise, and threw a punch, which Bugs dodged. The punch hit another ANBU, who responded by moving her hand quickly and launching another fireball. After that, it devolved into an all-out brawl, wherein a small army of ANBU attempted to hit a constantly-dodging rabbit, and hit each other instead.

Five minutes later, the ANBU lay on the ground, defeated. The Hokage's desk was burning, and the room was in ruins.

"I think," Sarutobi said, "That we should hire that rabbit, and make him part of our ANBU."

"Hokage-sama, you can't be serious!" Kakashi cried out. "It's a rabbit! And furthermore, it doesn't even know anything about the Elemental Nations."

"Regardless, Kakashi, this rabbit managed to defeat an entire ANBU force, and did so without attacking once. Besides, what will our enemies say? 'Our leader was assassinated by a talking rabbit, let's go get revenge on Leaf!'? Everyone would laugh at them!" The Hokage then turned to Bugs Bunny. "Come over here, rabbit-san," he said.

One of the ANBU, this one wearing a rabbit mask, got up from the floor. "Yes, Hokage-sama?" he said.

"Not you," Sarutobi clarified. "The actual rabbit."

"You mean me, doc?" Bugs asked.

"Yes."

Bugs stepped forward, and pulled out another carrot, then started to eat it. "So, doc," he said, "What do you need me for?"

"Would you like a job, Rabbit-san?"

"Hey! Don't replace me!" yelled the rabbit-masked ANBU. He then moved his hands and breathed in, preparing another fireball.

Bugs stopped the ANBU from spitting the fireball by squeezing his cheeks, causing the heat to go down into the ANBU's lungs instead. "Mac, it ain't very polite ta attack people from behind. Didn't your mother teach you anything?" Bugs chided. The ANBU didn't respond, since he was too busy groaning on the ground

I'll have to make note of that technique, Sarutobi thought. You know, maybe we should toss fireballs instead of spit them. It would be far more practical, and cut down on the number of ninjas with burnt lungs.

"Anyway, rabbit-san, I'm offering you a job as an ANBU captain. All you have to do is sign here," the Hokage said, giving Bugs a scroll and a pen.

"I'm sorry, doc, but I'm already working for Warner Brothers. They pay four hundred dollars a month, and give me free ACME™ products as well. Oh, and my name's Bugs Bunny. Nice to meetcha, doc."

"We'll pay double, and we'll pay for your ACME products. Sound good, Bugs-san?"

"All right, doc. When do I start?"

"Right now. Rabbit, go show Bugs-san the ANBU quarters."

The man in the rabbit mask didn't move. Kakashi nudged him, and said, "This time, Hokage-sama means you."

"Yes, Hokage-sama. I'll show Bugs-san the ropes right away."

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"So, Bugs-san, the ANBU are an elite force, who only answer to the Hokage. Do you understand?" Rabbit asked.

"Hokage? You mean the blond whatshisname… Naruto?" Bugs asked.

"No. I mean the old man in the office," Rabbit said, wondering how Bugs could have made such a mistake.

"But Naruto told me he's Hokage. So he's my Hokage," Bugs stated, as though explaining to a five-year-old.

Rabbit sighed, then turned to another ANBU. "Hey, Bear!" he called, "Bugs-san here says he follows a different Hokage. How do we decide these things?"

"Usually with a duel between Hokages," Bear responded. "Winner gets the village, loser becomes a missing-nin. You know."

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Naruto clutched the letter he had found, and showed it to Kakashi. "Hey, sensei," he said. "Why do I have to fight the Hokage?"

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A/N: This chapter took me a bit longer to write. I wasn't sure if I wanted Bugs to join the ANBU or not. I hope you liked my decision, and the direction the story's going. Please review!


	4. Fun and Chaos in Konoha

A/N: I'm not abandoning this story. I plan to make it at least 10 chapters long, maybe more. However, I have school, so update time may vary. Now, without further ado, I present Chapter 4!

—

Kakashi looked at his student, and racked his brain for a reason that Naruto might have to fight Hiruzen. He then remembered a footnote in the Leaf's shinobi code, and said, "What probably happened was that someone believed that you were Hokage, and voiced that belief. This is usually settled with a formal duel between you and the Hokage. Only the council can call it off, but the ones who thought you were Hokage would be exiled. However, most of the council is against you, since you are the Kyuubi's host."

"So who though I was Hokage?" Naruto asked. "It's not like I resemble the old man or anything."

"My guess," Kakashi said, "was that Bugs-san, the rabbit we met, though you were Hokage because you told him so."

"So what do I do?" Naruto asked. "I like Bugs-san, but Old Man Hokage is faster and stronger than me – he'll crush me in seconds!"

"There is one loophole," Kakashi responded. "Since you were asked to fight, you are allowed to choose the weapon, and it can be anything you want."

Naruto though for a minute, and then responded, "Then the weapon I choose is pranks!"

Kakashi almost laughed. Only Naruto (or maybe Bugs-san) would challenge the Hokage to a prank duel. "Well, Naruto," he said, "Since you have a week to prepare, I'd like to teach you a bit about sealing…"

—

Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire, stalked the forests around Konoha. He'd found that damn waskawwy wabbit's trail, and he was going to catch that wabbit, even if it killed him. He looked around, and noticed that the trail led toward large gate in the walled village. He adjusted his course, and slunk toward the gate.

—

Rabbit was on guard duty. After that incident with Bugs-sama, Naruto, and Bear, as well as the general chaos it caused, the village needed more security. In addition, the Chunin exams, and with all the foreign ninja running around, having good guards was important.

Rabbit looked into the distance, and noticed a short, bald man in a funny hat and carrying a metal cylinder sneaking toward toward the gate. He pointed to the man, and called, "Hey, you! Come over here, stop moving suspiciously, and submit to a full-body check. You are now entering Konoha, and we will not tolerate any nonsense."

"Shhhh!" the man shushed him. "Be vewwy, vewwy quiet. I'm hunting a certain wascally wabbit. He's got long eahs, sort of like youws, and big fwont teeth, sort of like youws, and weahs gloves, sort of like youws…"

Why is it always me, Rabbit thought. Damn that Bugs-sama. The next time I see him, I'm going to tie him to a chair. Then hang that chair from the ceiling. Then gut him like a fish. Then…

Rabbit was jolted out of his murderous daydream by Elmer Fudd slamming his gun into his face, and saying, "Ah-ha! So you're da wabbit! Well, I've got you now, you scwewy wabbit, and you're not getting away ds time!"

Rabbit made the seal for the Substitution Jutsu, replacing himself with a log from a nearby tree, then tossed a fireball at the bald man.

Elmer didn't notice the switch, and fired his gun at the log, making the bullets go through the wood. Then the fireball hit.

I'm glad I didn't get hit with that metal thing, Rabbit thought. Ah well, he's gone now.

Elmer blinked, and, with a soot-covered face, and looked straight at Rabbit. "So you twied to twick me again, you scwewy wabbit! Well, it's da end of the line foh you now, you twicky bastahd!" And with that, he leveled his gun at Rabbit.

—

Bugs had been told by then nice guy with a bear mask that he was free to explore the village for a week as the problem with the Naruto was sorted out. While wandering around, he'd found many interesting things, like that weird scroll he was currently carrying around in his pocket. He closed his eyes and remembered how he'd got it…

Bugs had been tunneling through the earth. He wanted to get to the new lunch place he'd found, which was on the other side of town. Rather than walk through town and get lost, he dug a tunnel like he'd always did. Unfortunately, he'd taken a wrong turn at the building called Al-ba-quer-ke Kimonos (what was with him and places called Albuquerque or some variation, anyway?) and ended up in a room with just the scroll. It had looked interesting, so he'd taken it. However, the two ANBU at the door were being unreasonable, but with a bit of trickery, he'd convinced them that a scroll full of explosive tags was the real one and the one he was holding was fake. He made off with his new prize in hand, happy at how easy it was.

Chuckling at the memory, he opened the scroll and started reading. It was pretty cool. For example, he could move his hands in a specific pattern, and make a ton of copies of himself! Laughing at how Elmer Fudd and Sam back home would respond to something like that, he kept reading.

—

Elmer found another of the rabbit's signature dirt trails, and stalked through the village. After realizing that the guy at the gate wasn't a real rabbit (even though he wore a mask, sort of like that one waskawwy wabbit he was going to catch one day), he pursued that wabbit's trail with a renewed vigour. Listening carefully, he heard the familiar drawl of the twickstah.

"So, if I move my hands like dis, and shout 'Shadow Clone Jutsu,' like dis, I should get…" Bugs said as three clones of himself poofed into existence. He then noticed Elmer with his gun, looking around the corner of a nearby building. Leaving one clone in the alley, he ran to a nearby building, while his clones hid in a nearby alley.

"Ah-ha! Now I've finawwy got you, you scwewy wabbit! And this time, I'll be eating wabbit stew foh dinnah!" Elmer yelled, then raised his gun, and the next match between the lazy rabbit and bitter hunter began.

—

A/N: So, this chapter was a bit harder to write than the others. I didn't want to take too much of the focus off of Bugs, but I needed to set up some plot, and give Bugs the Kage Bunshin. Yes, I know it's Naruto's signature jutsu, but with all the different possibilities it creates for Bugs, I felt that he had to have it. Finally, we'll be starting the first major arc next chapter: the Chunin Exams! This will be when my decision to rate this story as T comes into play.


	5. Naruto vs Hiruzen!

**A/N: So, this is a much longer chapter: We've got Bugs vs. Elmer, Naruto vs. Hiruzen, and the beginnings of the Chunin exams! Also, this is where everything goes completely off the rails. From this point forward, I will only be loosely following canon.**

—

"So, doc," Bugs said, as though unaware of the gun in his face, "You do realise you're dealing with a ninja, roit?"

Elmer responded with a gunshot to Bugs' stomach. The clone poofed out of existence, leaving only dust.

"Good gweif!" Elmer exclaimed. "He disentigwated! Now how am I supposed to get my wabbit stew?"

"Ehh, doc," Bugs said, drifting down from the roof of a nearby building on an umbrella while dressed up as an angel, complete with a halo. "How are things down on oithe?"

"I'm so sowwy, Mistah Wabbit. I didn't mean to disentigwate you! I just wanted some stew foh dinnah!" Elmer blubbered.

"Well, I know one thing that can fix dat," Bugs said, producing a mallet from his pocket, which he hid behind his back. Lowering his voice to a whisper, he said "There's a rabbit in dat alleyway, see dere?"

Elmer looked around, and saw one Bugs-clone trying to sneak away. "Oh! Thank you, Mistah Wabbit! I'll be getting my dinnah foh shuw!"

As Elmer fired his shot, Bugs brought the mallet down on Elmer's head, leaving a large lump, then ditched his angel disguise and ran off. Elmer turned around, realizing he'd been duped, and fired his gun several times. Bugs dodged all the bullets, and they hit the ramen stand behind him, which was currently closed. Seeing this, the guile rabbit got an idea.

Ducking into a nearby alley, Bugs disguised himself as Teuchi, the owner of the place, and then walked over to Elmer with an angry expression.

"So, young man," he said. "Do you think you can get away with messing up my ramen stand? Do you, boy?"

"N-no, Mistah Wamen Guy, I was hunting a wabbit and…"

"I don't want your excuses. Now wash the dishes! Sweep the floors! Scrub the bathrooms! Make the ramen!"

"Yes, siw!" Elmer said as he scrambled to do the named tasks.

Walking away, Bugs began to laugh. "What a maroon! What an imbeceel! What a dope! What a dope!"

Elmer, realising he'd been tricked, ran out, slipped on the floor which he had been washing, and hit his head on the floor. As he got up, he saw four copies of Bugs surrounding him. "I'm not falling foh this twick again, you scwewy wabbit!" he yelled. "I know you're wight behind me!"

Elmer spun, and placed his right at the head of Ayame, Teuchi's daughter. Teuchi, standing next to Ayame, looked at the hunter, and said sternly, "_What_ are you doing to my daughter?"

Elmer turned around again, hoping the Bugs Bunnies were still behind him, and found that the clones had dispersed. Teuchi grabbed him by the collar, and for the next few minutes, Elmer knew only pain.

—

A few hours after the incident near Ichiraku, the duel between Naruto and Hiruzen was about to start. A large crowd had gathered, mostly composed of civilians, but there were a few shinobi scattered around.

The announcer, Hayate, coughed, then shushed the chattering crowd. He then spoke. "The much-anticipated duel between Naruto Uzumaki and Hiruzen Sarutobi for the title of Hokage will now begin. The weapon for the duel, chosen by Uzumaki-san, is–" Hayate coughed, then looked at his card. "–pranks. Both Uzumaki-san and Sarutobi-sama will be–" Hayte coughed again then continued. "–pranking the other to the best of their abilities. The first to say 'I give', or something similar, will lose." The announcer then went into a coughing fit, and then spoke again. "Two ANBU will be monitoring each challenger to find when they give up. The duel may now… BEGIN!"

Naruto ran over to the Hokage Mansion, while Hiruzen used the body flicker technique to rush to Naruto's apartment. Both were tailed by ANBU.

—

Hiruzen returned to his home and found that the doorway was blocked by an invisible forcefield. However, it dissipated after a few seconds, and the Sarutobi dismissed it as a prank that didn't work. He shuffled over to his desk, and began planning his next prank. It had been quite a while since he'd done something like this, but being a seal master, he had quite a few tricks up his sleeve.

—

Naruto entered his apartment, and was greeted by a large deluge of paint pouring out of a storage scroll that Hokage-jiji had installed in his door. Thankfully, his shower still worked, and he managed to wash it off. Chuckling, he got an idea for his next prank. But for this one, he'd need a lot of paint.

—

Hiruzen's mansion had become a mime show. Doorways became blockaded with forcefields randomly, and he could never tell when they would or wouldn't be open. Twice, he'd had to destroy walls – once to get to the bathroom while the forcefield was blocking it, and once to turn off the stove when all the doorways leading to the kitchen had been sealed. Eventually, he'd had enough, and dismantled the door frames and removed the seals Naruto had placed on them. He had to hand it to the kid – it was quite impressive for someone who'd only learned about sealing a week ago. After a day of this, he decided to take a nice, relaxing shower…

—

Naruto, having finished his work on Hokage Mansion's plumbing, set off to make a large amount of custom explosive tags. He'd be using them for his next prank. After all, Hokage-jiji would have to do his paperwork at some point, wouldn't he?

—

The showerhead, instead of spitting out nice, warm water, spat out a deluge of paint, covering Hiruzen. Removing the showerhead, he removed the storage scroll that Naruto had placed there. Cursing himself for forgetting to prank Naruto's shower as well, he replaced the showering and turned on the shower again. No water came.

After using a water-release jutsu to clean himself up and dismantling half of his plumbing, Hiruzen found the barrier seal that Naruto had placed. Deciding that showers were too dangerous and jutsu would do the job better, he went to get some rest before waking up to another day of paperwork. He hoped that the seals he'd placed around the blond boy's apartment were working…

—

The next morning, Naruto was struggling to get out of his apartment. This wasn't because the door was locked, or because a barrier seal was placed. Instead, the entire apartment had been turned into a Klein bottle, making it impossible for Naruto to figure out whether he was inside or outside. After a lot of running, slamming on the walls, and thinking, his whole body was tired. "I give!" he shouted.

—

Around the same time, Hiruzen was working through the mission statements. Ordinarily, it would be a very dull job, but today, it was even worse. Somehow, Konoha's entire female population had requested S-ranked missions with statements like "Lonely young women need someone to chat with" and "Go to 73 Willow Street, have a great time!". Placing these in the "definitely rejected" pile, he at last found a reasonable-looking mission. However, as he signed off on it, his desk exploded. Realizing that Naruto had scattered explosive seals throughout his paperwork pile which activated upon his signature, and the S-rank requests were there to distract him, he buried his head in his hands, wept at the loss of a lot of hard work, and yelled, "I give up!"

—

The ANBU met at the center of town and compared their watches. Both Naruto and Hiruzen had said "I give" at exactly the same time, making the duel a draw.

"Hokage-sama," Bear said to Hiruzen. "What now?"

The Sarutobi though for a moment, and then said, "I think that due to his resourcefulness, stealth, and information gathering, Naruto should be promoted to a Chunin. Meanwhile, I will stay in office, as Hokage. Does anyone disagree?"

Hiashi spoke up. "Why does playing childish pranks merit a promotion to a Chunin? We should exile the boy, after all, he didn't win the duel."

"There are two problems with your logic, Hiashi-san," Hiruzen responded. "By your logic, I would be exiled as well, since I didn't win, either. Also, if those pranks were refitted to kill instead of annoy, they would be very effective in assasination missions, not to mention humiliating for the target."

Hiashi couldn't find any fault in the Hokage's logic, and chose to stay silent. No one else spoke.

"Then the motion passes," the Hokage stated.

—

The next day, while celebrating his new promotion at Ichiraku, Naruto noticed two ninjas he recognized sitting next to him, as well as another he didn't, and one he vaguely remembered. Racking his brain, he realized that the two were the Demon Brothers which he'd met in the Wave, and the other was that girl who was with Zabuza. Nudging the girl, he asked, "What are you doing here in Konoha?"

"We're here for the Chunin Exams," Haku responded. "I'm the jounin leader of this genin team, and we're ninjas from Wave."

"But Wave doesn't have ninjas," Naruto said. "And what are the Chunin Exams? I didn't have to take any sort of exam to make Chunin."

"Ever since Zabuza-sama took over Wave Country, we've started taking in and training as many ninjas as we could find, as well as training some civilians. This is the first batch," Haku said. "The Chunin Exams are a set of exams which most genin have to go through to become chunin. Since you made chunin you won't, I assume you entering."

"I've got to go tell Sasuke and Sakura-chan! Bye… Wave-Jounin-chan?" Naruto said, then started to run off.

"My name is Haku, and I'm actually a guy," Haku called back.

_Haku's a guy?_ Naruto thought. _No way! She's even cuter than Sakura!_

—

**A/N: I promised you Chunin Exams, and I keep my promises. And before you yell that the demon brothers are chunin, Zabuza is in charge and he thinks otherwise.**

**I initially planned for Naruto to win the duel with his Oiroke no Jutsu, but then realised that if Naruto was Hokage at this point, he'd lose motivation, and there would be a whole host of other problems.**


	6. Why Orochimaru Now Hates Rabbits

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay. It was midterm season, and professors do not appreciate it if you try to tell them it's "professor season" instead. Also, t****his story now has over 1,000 views, which is pretty exciting!**** Anyway, here's the next chapter!**

—

Bugs had been assigned to being one of the ANBU guards for the Forest of Death, which would be used during the Chunin Exams. While waiting for the exams to start, he'd been hanging out with Naruto and using his new Shadow Clone technique to get to know the rest of the shinobi in Konoha. In some ways, Naruto was a lot like himself – a fun-loving prankster. He'd begun to tutor Naruto in the art of tricking one's enemies into hurting themselves, but his new pupil still had far to go.

One thing he'd noticed over the past few weeks was that ninjas, while smarter than Elmer Fudd or Yosemite Sam, were far from truly intelligent. Many of their techniques had obvious weaknesses – for example, the fireball-spitting trick, which could be turned back on the user by pulling their cheeks. However, they did have some cool tricks – like the transformation and substitution jutsu. He could think of lots of ways to use those.

After a few more relaxed days, the second stage of the Chunin exams had arrived. Bugs was excited, although his new student wouldn't be participating, since he'd already been promoted. Instead, another genin, named Sai, would be working with Sasuke and Sakura.

The first few minutes passed uneventfully. He'd watched the gates, chatted with the other watching ANBU, and relaxed. Then the alarm sounded.

"Orochimaru's somewhere in the forest," Anko said. "We're going to go in, find him, and kill him. Any questions?"

"Who's Orochimaru?" Bugs asked.

"Evil bastard. Wants to crush Konoha. Also my former teacher," Anko replied. "Any other questions? No? Then let's go!"

Bugs made around twenty shadow clones, and started searching. After a few minutes of running through the forest, he heard the sounds of a fight. Pausing, he looked around a tree.

A snake-looking guy – _Orochimaru_, Bugs reminded himself – was fighting Sasuke, Sakura, and Sai. Although it was less of a "fight" and more of a brutal beatdown.

Thinking for a moment, Bugs created thirty more shadow clones, and had them disguise themselves, while sending another two off to find the other ANBU.

One of his clones, wearing a fake beard and holding a staff, emerged from a tree. Pointing to Orochimaru, it said, "You have desecrated on the sacred grounds of the Churowakona'atoto Tribe. Now, to honor the spirits of the ancestors who gave their lives to secure this ground, you will face the tribe's strongest warrior – Wakotakochitomi'itocha'a-kikiki – in ritual combat." Handing Orochimaru a spear, it then said, "Prepare the drums!"

Fifteen more clones emerged from the trees, beating drums. Bugs walked forth on the ground, carrying a spear.

Orochimaru looked around, and saw that Sasuke, Sakura, and Sai had escaped while the rabbits had been talking, and had taken the Earth scroll with them. Tossing the spear, he started running out of the circle of clones.

As he neared the edge, the clones produced spears and crude wooden shields, while Bugs placed his own spear at Orochimaru's back. The staff-bearing clone pointed its staff at Orochimaru and warned, "Fleeing will only serve to greaten the wrath of the spirits of the ancestors. You must face our champion in honorable ritual combat."

Breathing in, Orochimaru prepared to shoot a fireball at the crazy rabbits, and was stopped when one of them pulled his cheeks, causing the fireball to go down his throat instead. As the snake sannin howled in pain, Bugs handed Orochimaru the spear and brought him back to the center of the circle. "We now fight," Bugs said.

Orochimaru began with a flurry of punches and kicks, which Bugs dodged easily. After a few seconds of dodging, Orochimaru realised that something was hissing. Dismissing it as just some of the Forest of Death's snakes, he continued to fight. Then the spear exploded in his hands, blowing off his arm and part of his body.

—

Anko and an ANBU followed the Bugs-clone through the Forest of Death, heading to the place where Bugs had managed to trap Orochimaru. After bounding over the last tree, they saw an odd sight.

Orochimaru, one of the strongest ninjas still alive, had part of his body blasted apart and was being beaten by rabbits with tribal warpaint holding spears and wearing loincloths. Another rabbit, this one with a beard and staff, was yammering about how the "spirits of the ancestors" deem his punishment still unworthy, and more penance must be taken. Several large snakes were either blown apart or filled with spears, and from the sound of the snake sannin's screams, his lungs had been burnt by his own fire jutsu.

The Bugs-clone next to Anko jabbed a finger at Orochimaru and said, "He's all yours, doc."

Orochimaru turned to the sound, and, seeing Anko and the ANBU, ran for the ANBU and pulled on his robes. "Lock me up! Kill me! Torture me! Just get me away from those crazy rabbits!" he cried.

Anko smiled, and said, "Thanks, Bugs-kun. Ibiki and I are going to be having a lot of fun soon."

—

A few weeks later, Bugs was working on a new project. After the great job he'd done with Orochimaru, he'd been put in charge of security for the third stage of the Chunin exams. To do this he'd made around a hundred clones, and divided them into two groups. One group was baking cream puffs, croissants, meat pies, and other pastries. The other group was working through some books on seals, and experimenting with them. The final stage was only a week away, and he needed everything to be perfect.

Meanwhile, Orochimaru had gotten a severe case of leporiphobia, or fear of rabbits. Just seeing one would make him fly into a panic, and he'd put his plans to become immortal on hold so he could devise a method to eradicate all rabbits.

Needless to say, Orochimaru, once respected or feared, had become the laughingstock of the shinobi world.

Bugs had also received numerous letters from various members of Torture and Investigations, begging him to join their department. Bugs was considering it, though he had yet to respond to one of the invitations. He didn't exactly enjoy torturing people, but he'd broken people's minds by accident many times.

—

One week later, the final phase of the Chunin exams was starting. Bugs and some of his clones stood at the entrances to the building, manning carts of the pastries he'd baked. Shinobi and civilian alike filed in, taking one or two of the pastries and handing Bugs a few ryo.

"Hurry, hurry, hurry!" Bugs called. "Get your pies, croissants, breads, and everything else here! Get 'em while dey're fresh! Get 'em warm! And don't forget – some of 'em have a coupon for another free pastry!"

One of the other ANBU on security detail, Rabbit, tapped Bugs on the shoulder. "Bugs-sama," he said, "How does selling pastries relate to manning security?"

"Don't worry, doc," Bugs responded. "Y'see, da pastries are part of a big plan."

Rabbit put his head in his hands. Why the hell did Konoha employ that damn bunny?


	7. Murphy's Law, Applied

Bugs's plan started to fall apart when Haku and his team walked up to one of the stalls. Noticing the rabbit, Haku said to his team, "That's the rabbit that Zabuza-sama put a 'kill on sight' order on." He then drew several senbon, and tossed them all at Bugs. Bugs yelped and dove out of the way, but the three Wave genin used a jutsu to fire off several droplets of water moving as fast as bullets at him. One of them hit, leaving a large lump.

"Ow!" Bugs yelped. "Dat hoit, dammit! An' look what you did to my stall! It's ruined. Now! Take dese hammers! Bake da pies! Fix da stall! Don't slack off, now!"

The three Wave genin leapt to do the named tasks, while Haku blinked for a second, confused. After realising what was happening, he promptly smacked each member of his genin team over the head using his ice jutsu. "Don't fall for that rabbit's tricks!" he said. "Kill him!"

Shards of ice and water bullets flew at Bugs, who blocked them with the first item he could think of: Zabuza's sword. This turned out to be a mistake, as the sight of it enraged Haku more.

"Give. Me. Zabuza-sama's. Sword," Haku said coldly. "And you might be able to get away with your life."

"Hey, calm down, doc," Bugs said. "You don't want to cause an international incident, do you? There's people from every village watching."

"According to Zabuza-sama, the sword is higher priority. It is a national treasure of Wave, and you stole it."

"Well," Bugs said. "Let me just polish dis thing off and give it back to you, it'll just take a few minutes, and you probably want in sharpened as well…"

"Hey, wasn't Zabuza a missing-nin at the time it was stolen, according to the mission reports?" Rabbit asked.

"D-don't mention that bit," Gozu said.

"Y-yeah, he'll snap if he hears it," Meizu added.

Haku, having heard what Rabbit said, sent out waves of killing intent. His eyes turned cold, and his hand moved into the seal for his ice jutsu. Spears of ice shot toward Bugs, Rabbit, and everyone else in the vicinity. Including Gaara, who was coming back to get another croissant. Then the brawl started.

—

In the depths of Konoha's prisons, Orochimaru was planning a method to eradicate all rabbits without destroying the world's ecosystem. So far, he'd come up with the idea of creating a plague that would alter a rabbit's DNA so that its appearance would change, but it would fulfill the same roles in the food web. But he couldn't do that now. He needed a new body, preferably Sasuke but anyone would do at this point, he needed to get out of this prison, and he needed Kabuto to help actually make the virus. In short, he had lots of problems.

"Mistah Owochimawu?" the man in the cell next to him said, breaking Orochimaru out of his thoughts. "Do you have any ideas on how we can get out of heah?"

"Shut up!" Orochimaru said. "Kabuto will be here eventually, Elmer-san. And for the fifteenth time, it's 'Orochimaru-sama', not 'Mister Orochimaru', and definitely not 'Owochimawu'."

"I'm sowwy, Owochimawu-sama, but I can't wait much wonguh. I've spent a whole month in this pwison, and I want to go kill that wascawwy wabbit _wight now_!"

Orochimaru flinched at the mention of Bugs, then hissed, "Stop bothering me. Kabuto's coming. Just be patient and I'll let you have the curse mark early."

—

The situation near the arena was quickly turning into a mess. Ninjas from every village were duking it out, and Gaara's sand, though thankfully it hadn't killed anyone yet, was causing mass panic. There was only one thing left for Bugs to do. Forming a hand seal, he channeled his chakra to the remote-activated stun tags that he'd hidden in the food he'd been selling. Immediately, everyone but Haku, Bugs, and the surrounding ANBU fell unconscious. Including Gaara.

"I knew I should've worn brown pants today," Rabbit said. "Bugs-sama, if we make it out of this alive, promise me that next time you make a plan, you check it with the Hokage first."

"Sure thing, doc," Bugs said. "But what's wrong with knocking everyone out?"

"That," Rabbit said, as he pointed to the giant sand creature that was forming from the sand in Gaara's gourd.

The Ichibi roared, and pounded its left foreleg on the ground, causing tremors and squashing a few Sound ninjas. ANBU moved to evacuate the rest of the unconscious people in the vicinity, vanishing in swirls of leaves and then reappearing.

"What's your plan _now_, wise guy?" Rabbit asked Bugs. "Pray and hope it doesn't kill us? You do realise that you just released a tailed beast, and knocked out some of the strongest ninjas present in the village. The only way this situation could possibly get worse is if Orochimaru were to escape…"

—

Kabuto used the chaos caused by Haku and Shukaku to slip over to Konoha's prison cells. After removing the guards with a bit of simple medical ninjutsu, he made his way into the deeper portions of the complex. After consulting a map to find where Orochimaru was held, he slunk down the halls toward his master. As he approached, he heard two voices.

"Owochimawu-sama, I'm hungwy. I'd weawwy wike some wabbit stew. Could you pwease get me some?"

"Shut the goddamn hell up! I've been dealing with your complaints for the last two weeks. One more and I'll just torch your face off."

"Owochimawu-sama?"

"Now what?"

"When are we getting out?"

A frustrated growl followed, after which came an inhale, and then the crackling of flames. Curious to see who Orochimaru was attempting to recruit, Kabuto walked closer. Peering in the dim light, he saw a short, bald man, wearing hunter's clothes and covered in soot in the cell next to his master. Orochimaru himself looked exasperated, but there was also an element of surprise in his expression.

"Orochimaru-sama, I have the keys," Kabuto said.

"Unlock the cell of the guy next to me as well. He's a bother, but he'll be useful," Orochimaru commanded.

"As you wish, Orochimaru-sama."

—

Elmer, Orochimaru, and Kabuto exited the prison during the chaos. Noting the Ichibi towering over the arena, Orochimaru tapped Elmer on the shoulder, and said, "If you want your curse mark, go over to the arena and kill the Third Hokage."

"Who?" Elmer asked.

"He's an old guy who wears Hokage hat. He should be in the arena, where the giant sand monster is," Orochimaru responded.

"Orochimaru-sama, is it really a good idea to put someone with no knowledge of the ninja world up against the Third and the Ichibi?" Kabuto questioned.

"He'll be fine, Kabuto. He may be an idiot, but he's practically invincible. He took my strongest fire jutsu with little more than some extra soot on his face."

Elmer readied his shotgun and ran off toward the arena, while Orochimaru prepared for the second stage of his impromptu "Destroy the Rabbit (And Also Konoha, While We're At It)" plan.

—

Bugs, Rabbit, and two other ANBU, Chipmunk and Wolf, were attempting to deal with the Ichibi. And failing. Shukaku had turned out to be resistant to dynamite, mallets, nitroglycerin, explosions, and the only one who could get close enough to damage Shukaku, Bugs, didn't know any jutsu other than the Shadow Clone jutsu.

"Bugs-sama, the Hokage and Kazekage aren't waking up. Jiraiya's too far away, and we don't have anyone else that knows how to work with the seal," Wolf said.

"Are there any books on the sealing process?" Bugs asked.

"There's the Scroll of Forbidden Techniques, but it disappeared about a month ago," Wolf said.

"You mean dis scroll?" Bugs asked, pulling it out of his pocket. "I didn't think it was anything important; I just took it out of curiosity."

"We really need to upgrade the security on that thing," Chipmunk said. "After all, if Naruto can take it, and Bugs-sama can get it by accident, our enemies, who might actually be sending teams of Jounin to get it, will be able to steal it easily."

"Say, doc," Bugs said. "Which page is the seal on?"

"About halfway through the scroll," Wolf said.

"Found it!" Bugs exclaimed. Producing a paintbrush and some chakra ink, he ran toward Gaara, dodging Shukaku's strikes and making liberal use of shadow clones to keep it distracted.

He was about to paint the seal on Gaara when Shukaku got lucky and squashed him flat with its back leg. Rabbit began praying to whichever god was up there that this was all a genjutsu, while Wolf and Chipmunk readied some hand seals to help delay the inevitable. Then Shukaku lifted up its leg, and Bugs peeled himself off the ground.

"He really is invincible," Rabbit said.

Moving with more caution this time, Bugs applied the seal to Gaara's stomach, re-sealing Shukaku, and finishing the incomplete seal. Gaara sat up, and blinked, feeling, for the first time in his life, the lack of Shukaku's influence and chakra.

"What happened?" Gaara asked. "Where's that crazy Wave ninja? I need to kill him to verify my reason for existence."

"Crap!" Bugs yelped. "We forgot all about Haku during the confusion."

—

Haku strode through Konoha, carrying Zabuza's sword. During all the confusion with Shukaku, he'd managed to grab the blade and run. His genin team was still knocked out. He'd almost made it to the village walls, believing he was home free, when a giant snake rose up in front of him. Making a hand seal, he fired off several ice spears at the snake.

Orochimaru torched the spears with a fire jutsu, which Haku barely managed to dodge.

"Get out of my way," Haku growled. "You and I have nothing to do with each other. Let me pass."

"You wound me, Haku," Orochimaru responded. "And we do have some business to discuss. According to Kabuto, you caused an international incident, which may bring down the wrath of Konoha, and probably Suna as well, onto Wave. Your leader, Zabuza, is strong, but is he stronger than an ANBU cell? A Kage? This brings us to my offer. Tell your leader Zabuza to ally Wave with Sound, and I will grant you protection. In return, Wave will assist in my efforts to hunt that r-rabbit."

"Your deal sounds reasonable," Haku said. "And Wave is already hunting a rabbit employed by Konoha."

"That's the one," Orochimaru said. "Now, would you be interested in a curse mark? You have quite an interesting kekkei genkai there…"

—

Elmer approached the arena where the third stage of the Chunin exams was going to take place. According to Orochimaru, this was Bugs' location. Turning on his curse mark and filling up his shotgun with extra bullets, he prepared for his next fight with the rabbit.

—

**A/N: The Chunin Exams arc will conclude in the next chapter, with Bugs vs. Elmer (round 2).**


	8. Elmer Fudd's Strength

Bugs felt Elmer's chakra before he could see him. He'd been practicing his chakra sense over the last month, and while it was still not top-notch, it was good enough to spot someone as obvious as Elmer.

The other three ANBU felt it as well, because they had vanished into swirls of leaves, probably heading toward the prisons for damage control.

Gaara tapped Bugs on the shoulder, and said, "ANBU-san, I need to kill someone strong to verify the reason for my existence. Point me in the direction of someone strong, or I will kill you instead."

Bugs looked around frantically. He didn't want to send the crazy kid at Elmer – they'd always been rivals of a sort, and besides, Bugs enjoyed their fights (especially that one time at the opera). Noting the giant snake in one corner of the village, he pointed toward it and spoke. "Dat snake over dere looks like a summon of someone strong. Why don't you go kill them?"

"Thank you, ANBU-san. I won't kill you until tomorrow," Gaara responded politely.

Now, to deal with Elmer. Bugs thought. Forming the hand seal for the Shadow Clone jutsu, he summoned a small army of around fifty clones. The clones quickly donned togas and scrambled into the seats of the arena, while Bugs donned bronze armor and grabbed a trident and net.

Elmer ran into the arena. Seeing Bugs's clones, he began firing into the crowd, but was quickly stopped when Bugs grabbed his arm. As he pushed Bugs off with his newfound curse-seal-given strength, the Bugs-clone sitting in what used to be the Hokage's seat held up its hand.

"Welcome," it said, "To da Roman gladiator arena. You, my lucky gladiator, get da opportunity of duelling da greatest gladiator, Rabbitus Bugsius in single combat! Now, begin!"

Elmer began by shooting several bullets, which Bugs dodged easily. Realising that bullets were useless against Bugs, Elmer dropped his gun and jumped at Bugs, drawing heavily on his curse seal. As the hunter neared Bugs, he threw a chakra-enhanced punch at the rabbit's face.

Bugs used the Shadow Clone and Substitution jutsus to dodge Elmer's strikes. Not expecting the tactic, Elmer fell face-first into the ground. He pulled himself off the ground just in time to see Bugs tie him up in the net he was using.

As Bugs turned to leave, thinking he had won, Elmer drew on the curse mark's power and, using his new strength, broke free. He started to charge the rabbit, but stopped himself. Bugs was probably expecting something like that, and would substitute with a clone, and he would be humiliated again.

_I guess I need to use Owochimawu-sama's twicks_, Elmer thought._ Now, how did the hand thing go?_

—

As Gaara walked through the village, he found himself questioning his decision to kill the Wave ninja. Without Shukaku influencing his mind, he'd started to wonder if killing really was the most important thing in life. Maybe Naruto was right. Maybe he should concentrate on forging bonds. And Naruto had seemed somewhat nice. Maybe he should go have a talk with his fellow jinchuuriki instead of killing yet another person. And that Wave-nin probably didn't mean to target him specifically, he was just firing his ice randomly. His mind made up, Gaara began to look for Naruto.

—

Elmer flipped through hand seals slowly, taking care not to get a single one wrong. His target, the wabbit, was watching with an amused expression on his face. He won't see this one coming, Elmer thought. As he finished the last hand seal, he felt a pull on something inside him, and a huge blast of wind shot from his hands, hitting Bugs and slamming him into the wall of the arena.

Breathing hard from the massive amount of chakra he had put into the jutsu, he drew on the curse seal for more power. In a few leaps, Elmer reached Bugs and caught the rabbits arms in his hands. "You're wathuh pwoud of those ahms of yours, wabbit," he growled. "Wet's see what happens when I bweak them."

Bugs twitched and struggled, but couldn't get out of Elmer's grapple. His arms bent backwards as Elmer kept pulling. How the hell did he get so strong, Bugs thought. He was weak just a month ago… then he was in prison… with Orochimaru!

As soon as the thought hit him, Bugs sent out a message to his shadow clones. One ran off to find another conscious person, while the rest dogpiled Elmer with mallets and knockout tags. Elmer popped quite a few clones before going down under the dogpile and falling unconscious.

_I'll need to be much more careful_, Bugs thought. _This isn't the same as at home. People here can hurt me. And Elmer got stronger. I'll need to train too. Maybe learn some of that "jutsu" stuff._

—

Kakashi was one of the few shinobi in the village unaffected by Bugs's plan. This was because he was at the memorial stone when the third task was starting, and didn't get a chance to eat one of the rabbit's pastries.

"You know, Obito," he said. "Naruto's gotten so much better at sealing. He's really turning into his father. You should see his seals – he took down a B-rank target with them."

His monologue was interrupted when Chipmunk appeared in a swirl of leaves and requested that he help wake up the ninja that Bugs had rendered unconscious. Vanishing in another swirl of leaves, he sighed, and began preparing some new seals.

—

One week later, an international incident had been averted. Orochimaru had left Leaf after seeing one of Bugs's shadow clones, and was now working over the details of an alliance with Wave.

The third stage of the Chunin exams had been held the day after the "arena incident", as people were now calling it. Sand had called off their alliance to Sound after Gaara let it slip to Naruto that they were planning a joint attack, and the Kazekage, embarrassed, told Hiruzen that they'd never consider an alliance with that rabbit-fearing pedophile.

Shikamaru, Gaara, and Sasuke managed to be promoted to Chunin, leaving Sakura the only unpromoted member of Team 7. Naruto and Gaara had become fast friends, and Gaara had broken out of his murderous habits, and had his first night's rest in a long time. It had done wonders for his sanity.

To celebrate his team's recent promotion to Chunin, Kakashi had taken on a C-rank mission. It looked pretty simple – just protect a certain trade path from bandits which had been menacing it. Of course, when Team 7 is involved, nothing is truly simple, and any mission ranked higher than D will probably turn into at least an A-rank.

This time, it was not a missing-nin, but a short bandit with red hair and a red beard who wielded two pistols which raised the rank of the mission.

—

**A/N: This chapter, though short, was pretty hard to write. The Bugs vs. Elmer scene was especially hard. I needed Bugs to win, but since Elmer's so pathetic, it looked like Bugs was just toying with him on my first few drafts. I couldn't make Elmer too dark or strong, though, since it would go against his character. I eventually settled on Bugs's arrogance leading to his almost-defeat.**

**Also, Sam has arrived on the scene, and will get his own arc! Also, the focus will shift away from Bugs for a bit.**

**Lastly, we've made it to over 2,000 views, and I'm not planning to stop anytime soon!**


	9. Yosemite Sam, the Invincible Bandit

**A/N: So, the next chapter is Chapter 10. To celebrate, there'll be a Q&A in the Author's Notes. Ask me anything you like in the reviews, and I'll answer it in Chapter 10, unless the answer contains massive spoilers. Also, sorry for the late update – I have finals, and the end-of-semester homeworks are brutal.**

—

Sasuke blinked at the red-haired bandit who'd taken his fireball head-on, and was somehow not burned to a crisp. The rest of the bandits they'd fought had fallen much more easily to a combination of Sasuke's taijutsu and Naruto's Shadow Clones and fuinjutsu. This one, though, was different.

"Who the _hell_ are you, bastard?" Naruto asked.

"Ah'm Yosemite Sam, the meanest, roughest, toughest, shoot-em-up-iest, cut-yer-head-off-iest bandit who ever packed a six-shootah. Ah've got th'fastest gun north, south, east, AAAND WEST of the Pecos!" the redhead growled. To prove his point, he grabbed his pistols and fired them around. "Now say yer prayers, varmints," he said, "before ah shoot y'all up!"

"Stay back, Sasuke," Kakashi said. "We're not dealing with an ordinary bandit. I'll have to use my Sharingan."

Kakashi lifted his Leaf headband, which covered his eye, and flipped through the hand seals for the Chidori. The lightning blade began crackling in his hand. Seeing the new attack, Sam pulled the triggers on his pistols and began firing. Bullets flew toward the Jonin, who blocked and dodged them with his Sharingan's movement tracking. To minimize the time he'd spend using the ocular jutsu, the Jonin pumped chakra into his legs, and ran at the red-haired bandit. When he got close, he thrust his Chidori into Sam's heart – a surefire kill.

When the Chidori hit, Sam's body sparked and he spasmed. Flashes of light showed Sam's skeleton, and smoke wafted off of his body. Kakashi pumped more chakra into the technique – usually, the target would be dead by now.

Sam's spasms kept going, but he didn't seem to be worsening. Kakashi's Chidori, on the other hand, was consuming chakra at a fast pace, as was his Sharingan. Realising that the jutsu wasn't going to work, Kakashi released the jutsu and prepared a substitution. Smoke wafted off Sam's body, and he spoke.

"Ooooooh, ah _hates_ gettin' zapped!" the redhead growled, drawing his pistols. "Now ah'll kill ya dead fer sure, varmints!"

With that, he began firing, spraying bullets onto Team 7 and sending up a large cloud of smoke and shrapnel. When the cloud dissipated, it revealed four logs peppered with bullets and shrapnel, and Team 7 nowhere in sight.

"Come on out, varmints, ah know yer hiding somewhere," Sam yelled. He then prowled off to find Team 7.

—

"I think we need to abandon this mission," Kakashi said. "It's no longer a C-rank. It's a B-rank at least, and most likely an A-rank."

"Is that guy a missing-nin, sensei?" Sakura asked.

"He's not in any of the Bingo Books, but he took a Chidori to the heart with no damage, so he's probably around Jounin level, maybe even Kage level in terms of durability. The weapons he wields are probably instant death if they hit one of your vital points, and slow death if they hit you anywhere else. I also didn't see him using any chakra, so he's probably holding back," Kakashi responded. "Also, I'm nearly out of chakra from the Chidori and Sharingan, so I'm almost out of commission. If nothing else, he'll win through sheer durability.

"We can't call of the mission _now_, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto complained. "I have a really cool secret weapon up my sleeve! Lemme show you!"

Kakashi sighed and put his head in his hands, while covering his eye. "Naruto, nothing you could pull short of releasing your furry problem could possibly do any lasting damage that guy, and releasing it probably isn't a good idea – don't take off your shirt, what the hell are you doing?"

Naruto had taken off his orange jumpsuit. He tossed the garment to the side, revealing a suit made of wood with seals engraved on it on the front, and straps around his back.

"This," he proudly proclaimed, "is the Naruto Super Seal Suit, or NS3 for short! Remember how you told me to train during the Chunin exams even though I wasn't taking them, Sensei? This is the result!"

—

**One month ago, during the second stage of the Chunin exams…**

Naruto was sitting out in the fields, with a book on sealing in his hands and a pad of paper lying next to him. He had had his shadow clones looking over other books of sealing. It was quite interesting – with proper sealing techniques, you could do almost anything. Farther away, some more of his shadow clones were practicing the water walking exercise that the closet pervert – _Ebisu_, he corrected himself – had given him. Mentally, he thanked Ero-sennin for the tip with the shadow clones. It was such a great time-saver.

On the paper, he'd been sketching out an idea he'd had for a suit with seals all over it. If he managed to do it correctly, and used a precise amount of chakra when powering it, he could increase his strength a thousandfold without having to learn any new jutsu. The only question was who he could use to test it. His clones, though useful, weren't durable enough, and, because of the potential dangers, he wouldn't use himself.

_Who else_, he thought. All the Genin were in the Chunin exams, and so was Iruka-sensei. Kakashi-sensei was probably off doing something else, and he'd specifically told Naruto that he wouldn't be training him. Hokage-jiji was most likely too busy and too old for that sort of thing. Ebisu would just tell him to go do the exercises. Ero-sennin would… well, he didn't want to know what sort of payment Ero-sennin would come up with. The only other options were other ninja, which he didn't know very well, and Bugs-sama…

_That could work_, he thought. _I heard that Bugs-sama is practically invincible, and he has lots of free time_…

—

After a few weeks of testing with Bugs Bunny, the NS3 had been finalized. He'd added the finishing touches, like the straps and the storage scroll for carrying it when he didn't need it. Using his new chakra control, he could now fire the various seals in bursts of modulated power, as to not overload them, making the suit much more efficient than his jutsu. Now all he needed was a mission to test it on.

—

Naruto ran out into the clearing where Sam was pacing around. The NS3 gleamed in the sunlight as he raced toward his second confrontation with the red-haired bandit.

Sam turned toward him as he approached, and raised his guns. "So ye came back, ye goose-livered varmint," he growled. "Yer not gettin' away this time. Now say yer prayers, varmint."

Naruto activated a fireball seal and tossed an experimental fireball at Sam. The orange flames licked at the redhead's body, but when they cleared, he was fine apart from a new layer of soot.

"Oooooh, ah HATES gettin' burned," Sam yelled, readying his pistols. He pulled the triggers and began firing bullets at Naruto, who simply raised his hand and activated a barrier seal, causing the bullets to bounce off an invisible wall.

"Great horny-toads!" Sam exclaimed. "Yer a wizard! But no rotten wizard'll get th'better of Yosemite Sam!" With that final statement, Sam ran off into the trees, and came back with a very large bomb. "Let's see how ye like this one, wizard," he proclaimed proudly.

As Sam lit the match and touched it to the tip of the fuse, Naruto activated another seal. Immediately, a stream of sparkling water shot from the suit at hit the fuse, extinguishing the flames.

Sam yelled in frustration, and retreated back a few steps. Satisfied with his new position, he struck another match and lit the fuse again.

Again, Naruto put out the fuse with a stream of water. This time, Sam retreated all the way back to the trees, and lit the fuse.

The red-haired bandit was halfway to Naruto when the bomb exploded in his hands, coating him with ash. Howling in exasperation, he stomped off into the trees. It was there that he noticed the weakness Naruto's new NS3 had.

Drawing his pistols, he slunk through the underbrush towards the blond ninja.

—

"Well, that was easy," Naruto remarked. "He blew himself up! Didja see that! I bet he couldn't possibly win against me even if he was using chakra!"

"Naruto," Kakashi said, bringing the hyperactive blond ninja back to reality. "When making your seal armor, did you remember to add something to guard the back?"

"Nah, I couldn't reach it. But I did include a move that lets me guard it. NS3… INVINCIBILITY!"

With that proclamation, Naruto lay down on the grass. As soon as he did this, two bullets whizzed over his head, barely grazing his hair.

"That has _got_ to be the dumbest idea I've seen in my life," Sasuke said. "It's so dumb I don't even have a _word_ for how dumb it is. In fact –"

Sasuke was cut off by the emergence of Yosemite Sam. The bandit looked around, holding his signature pistols. "Now get up, ye lily-livered varmint, and fight me like a man," he growled.

"It's kinda comfy down here, though," Naruto fired back, as he activated a seal. "Why don't you try it, Sam?"

With that, a large pit opened up underneath the redhead, causing him to fall in. "If we can't kill him, we just have to trap him," Naruto said. "We might even be able to figure out the secret to his invincibility this way."

"Stay alert," Kakashi said. "He'll be using a jutsu any minute now. Don't rush in."

Several minutes passed, punctuated by the futile scraping of Sam against the walls of the pit. Team 7 looked at each other, and then made a mutual decision. With a few storage scrolls, copious amounts of ninja wire, a few barrier seals, and a few kunai, they managed to tie up Sam and begin the journey back to Konoha.

—

After a few kilometers of travel, Sasuke noticed that the parcel he was carrying had gotten significantly lighter. Pausing to turn around and check it, he noticed that Sam had somehow escaped his bindings and was now running free.

"Kakashi-sensei, the invincible bandit has gotten free," he said. "We need to go look for him."

For once, Sakura spoke up. "We should go back to the village and get a sensory-type," she said. "The path is far too long and it's easy to hide in the woods, and since we don't have any sensor-nins on the team, it'll take too long for just four to search."

"What if it was one hundred?" Naruto asked. Without waiting for a response, he formed the Ram seal, and pushed chakra into his signature technique.

In puffs of smoke, hundreds of clones came into existence. Pairing off, they ran off in different directions.

"There's just one flaw in your plan, Naruto," Kakashi said. "How are your clones going to subdue Sam even if they find him? Last time, it took significant chakra to secure him, and you took some hits."

"I'm not as dumb as you think I am, sensei," Naruto responded. "After all, a Hokage can't be an idiot! And I _will_ be a Hokage, believe it!"

"What's your _plan_, moron," Sasuke interjected.

"One clone distracts him, while the other uses the NS3 to snare him in ninja wire. I've given them instructions to use a pincer movement, and then have one disperse to notify me when they capture him," the blond stated. "After that, I'll use my own NS3 to rush to the location where Sam was captured. I really need to figure out how the Yondaime teleported, that would be a pretty cool feature for the NS3…"

_In many ways, he's just like his father_, Kakashi thought. _I hope that wherever you are, Sensei, you can see your son's progress_.

—

Yosemite Sam rode his horse, which was pulling a rather large cannon and a few cannonballs. Sam himself had swapped out his six-shooters for his much larger ten-barreled pistols, and was glaring at the trees, the ground, the sky, and any animal that caught his gaze. His index fingers were on top of the triggers of his pistols, a few inches away from firing a deadly bullet.

He'd been rather lucky that he'd managed to escape from those ninjas – unlike his old nemesis Bugs Bunny, those four didn't play with him or mess around. They showed up, nullified all his tricks, and then tied him up. Which was why he was now bringing in the big guns – literally.

Given how perceptive those four were, they'd have no doubt noticed that he was missing. Which meant that they were coming for him… and when they did, he'd shoot them all up with his cannon.

Chuckling to himself, he paused and dismounted. The clearing he was in would be a good place to fight – no nearby trees for those sneaky ninjas to escape into, and plenty of room for him to fire his cannon.

A rustle in the trees alerted the red-haired bandit to a Naruto-clone, which burst into the clearing, right in front of the cannon.

"Say yer prayers, varmint," Sam said as he struck a match, "and meet yer maker!"

With a loud bang, a cannonball raced toward the clone, which quickly activated its barrier seal. In its panicked state, however, it forgot to control its chakra, and dissipated.

"One down," Sam cackled, "and three to go!"

—

"Dammit, I wasn't expecting a cannon," Naruto cursed. "Who the hell carries around a cannon like that anyway?"

"Did you manage to capture him?" Sakura asked.

"He destroyed one of my clones with a giant cannon, and the other isn't enough to take him down. On the upside, I do have his location. This way!"

With that, Naruto sprang off into the forest, with the rest of Team 7 behind him.


	10. The Bunshin is Useful!

**A/N: Chapter 10 is here, and, with that, the promised responses to reviews! (though there was only one…)**

**Ultima-owner asks, "What is the strongest 'enemy' Bugs has to work into the story?"**

**Since the syntax is a little ambiguous, I'll take this to mean, "What is the strongest enemy Bugs will fight?"**

**I dislike the characters of Madara and Kaguya, so they won't be appearing. Or if they do, I'll just let Marvin nuke them.**

**Tobi and Pain are Naruto's fights, so those are definitely out. Thus, the strongest Naruto character Bugs will fight is probably Orochimaru or some Akatsuki member. Not sure which.**

**On the Loony Tunes side of things, we have Marvin with the strongest destructive power. I think I'll let him be the strongest enemy Bugs faces, since he has a pretty cool character and is under-represented in the actual cartoons.**

**Also, the title of the chapter refers to the Bunshin no Jutsu/Illusionary Clone Technique, not the Kage Bunshin, Mizu Bunshin, or any other Bunshin variant.**

—

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura stealthily approached the clearing where Sam had carried his cannon. Kakashi had stopped a bit farther back, due to the fact that he had used up nearly all of his chakra and didn't have the strength to continue on. During the trek to the place, Naruto had shared all the information he had managed to get from his Shadow Clones on the cannon. They'd discussed strategy on the way there, and ultimately determined that none of them could hold off or dodge a direct blast from the cannon, so the only way to deal with it would be to force it to run out of ammunition using Illusionary Clones or Shadow Clones.

Sakura had been chosen for the role of clone creation because of her precise chakra control and the fact that Naruto and Sasuke would be more effective if they saved their chakra for their more high-powered seals and jutsu, respectively. As such, she would have to be the closest to the cannon, putting her at a much higher risk.

A few months ago, she would have hung back, fearful of the danger. Now, though… during the last month, she'd seen Naruto and Sasuke become Chuunin, and orders of magnitude stronger than she was. She didn't want to be left in the dust, still just a Genin while they made Jounin. So she would start taking a more active role in the missions.

Bringing herself back to reality, she formed the hand seals to make a clone, and sent it out into the clearing. The red-haired bandit noticed it almost immediately, and loaded the cannon with a large cannonball. After striking a match and touching the flame to the fuse, Sam covered his ears as the cannon fired.

The cannonball passed through the clone, and turned the tree behind it into splinters. Sam looked at the clone, then at the tree, and over to the clone again. Sakura could almost hear the gears turning in the bandit's brain.

_This is it_, she thought. _He'll realize it's a clone, and then he'll find me, and kill me. I don't want to die–_

Sam's voice broke her morbid train of thought. "Great horned lizards!" he yelped. "It's a ghost!"

Sakura shook herself. She _had_ to be dreaming. There was no one stupid enough to confuse a clone with a ghost.

She looked up fearfully, and saw Sam digging a grave with a spade larger than he was, which he had somehow pulled out of his pocket. Once the grave was appropriately-sized, the redhead grabbed a stone, placed it at the head of the grave, and pointed to the grave.

"Now git in there," Sam growled.

Steadying her breathing, Sakura had her clone shake its head.

"Git _in_ there!" Sam yelled.

The clone shook its head a second time, causing the red-haired bandit to yell in frustration, then rant in frustration.

While Sam cursed all things ethereal and ghostly, Naruto aimed a seal at Sam, and, with a small amount of chakra, the bandit was flung into the grave, landing flat on his back. Seeing the opportunity Naruto had given her, Sakura opened a pouch containing ninja wire, only to find it was empty.

"Does anyone have any spare ninja wire?" she asked sheepishly.

"I think we used them all up the first time we captured that damn bandit," Naruto responded.

"You should have been thinking before tossing the entire spool at the bandit, moron," Sasuke said. "But we could take the cannon away now that he isn't in a position to use it."

Before the three ninjas could do anything, Sam's voice pierced the relative quiet of the clearing. "Fine! Ya don't want a grave, ya rotten ghost? Then ah'll give ya a house ta haunt!" he yelled. With that, he ran into the trees, and began to throw wooden planks and nails into a haphazardly built shack.

After hammering in the last few nails, Sam jumped down from the creaking structure, and opened the door.

"Git in there, ya damn ghost, before ah blow yer damn head off!" he shouted, readying another cannonball.

Sakura simply had her clone shake its head, causing the red-haired bandit to fly into a rage, and light the fuse on the cannon. Just as before, the cannonball flew straight through the clone, and into a tree, causing it to crack and fall onto another tree, which fell under the weight.

Trees fell one after another like dominoes. Sam covered his head with his hands, and scurried into the nearest shelter – the "house" he had built for the "ghost" to haunt. The shack served him for a little while, until a branch of a particularly tall tree hit one wall, causing it to collapse. For a few seconds, all was calm. Then the pile of wood shifted.

—

Far away, in the Village Hidden in Sound, Orochimaru was on the move. He'd gathered the Sound Four and his newest acquisition Elmer Fudd, and was now heading towards the Land of Hot Springs, a country with a very small shinobi village and a very popular tourist attraction. Like the Land of Iron, this country was neutral ground, and therefore the perfect place for his meeting with Zabuza, the new Namikage.

He'd given his guards strict orders not to let any rabbits within ten meters of him. Elmer had taken to it enthusiastically, while the three male members of the Sound Four had simply dismissed it as one of their leader's many quirks. Tayuya, however, was far less enthusiastic.

"Why the fuck am I following a bastard with a crippling fear of fucking _rabbits_ who tasks the goddamn _Sound Four_ with shit suitable for _genin_?" she complained.

"Might I remind you, Tayuya, that due to the fact that you are marked with one of my seals, I can kill you whenever I want?" Orochimaru said. "Now go do a perimeter sweep, and if even one r-r-rab– _hellspawn_ gets past, I'll start looking for a replacement. That Haku boy that follows Zabuza around has quite the interesting kekkei genkai…"

—

In the southeast, near Fire Country, Zabuza boarded a boat with his ward Haku for the trip north to the Land of Hot Springs. Due to Wave's low population and even lower amount of shinobi, he'd been forced to go without the typical guard of Jounin that usually accompanied Kages. It didn't matter, though. Wave was still viewed as a mostly insignificant country, so nobody would be paying attention to his movements.

—

Team 7 moved back in fear as the pile of wooden planks, which were currently burying Yosemite Sam, shifted. Naruto readied a seal, Sasuke activated his Sharingan, and Sakura drew a kunai. Then a colossal fleshy lump burst through the top of the pile, and the rest of the wood fell away, to reveal one very woozy Yosemite Sam with a very large lump on his head. The bandit wobbled from side to side for a few seconds, and finally fell unconscious. Sasuke moved to grab him, and started lifting him up until Naruto objected.

"Why the hell are you carrying him, bastard? You didn't even do anything during the fight! If anything, Sakura-chan should carry him, since she took him down!"

"It was just luck," Sasuke scoffed. "_Konohamaru_ could've done it, and he isn't even a Genin. I'll carry the bandit."

"You want to fight, bastard? Don't take me lightly – I'm a Chunin now!" Naruto yelled back.

"Guess what, moron? I'm a Chunin too!" Sasuke said, gesturing to his flack jacket. "And I won't lose to the dead last! Chidori!"

"Summoning Technique!"

"Stop it, you two!" Sakura wailed. "The bandit's waking up!"

The two Chunin turned, and found that the lump on Sam's head had receded and he was coming to.

"We'll settle this in Konoha, moron," Sasuke said. "But this isn't over."

At that moment, Naruto noticed the large toad looming over him. Smoke drifted out of the enormous pipe in its mouth, and sunlight glinted off its slimy skin. Its deep voice rumbled as it spoke.

"Kid, whadja summon me for?" it asked.

"Oh, ah, hi, Gamabunta, I need a bit of help getting rid of the red-haired guy over there. Would you mind lending a hand?" Naruto answered.

"What, you're too weak to deal with a single bandit? Come back when you're a Kage and had a bottle of sake, then we'll talk," Gamabunta growled. "But for now, I ain't doing anything."

"Ah'm a gonna count ta three, ya damn galoot, and then ah'll blow ya ta pieces!" Yosemite Sam yelled, after finally regaining consciousness. "One! Two! Thr–"

Sam was abruptly cut off by Gamabunta's foot coming down on his head, squashing him flat. The large toad then lifted its hind leg, and turned back to Naruto. "Ya see, kid? Easy. Ya didn't need to summon me for tha–"

Sam's voice rang out, interrupting off Gamabunta. "Ah'm only gonna count ta two this time!" he proclaimed. "One! Two!" After finishing his count, he lit a match and touched it to his cannon's fuse. A few seconds later, there was a deafening explosion, and a cannonball lodged itself in the boss summon's leg.

"I was going to tell you he's invincible," Naruto said weakly.

Gamabunta looked at the blond ninja. "You should have told me that earlier," he said. "But I can still swallow him and carry him over to Konoha, where he can be imprisoned." With that, the boss toad opened his mouth and extended his long tongue, just in time to catch a cannonball to the mouth.

The giant toad choked, then spat out the cannonball and crushed the cannon under a massive foreleg. Pieces of shrapnel flew, some embedding themselves in the toad's already injured right hind leg. Its tongue shot out again, this time snaring the bandit. Gamabunta closed his mouth, and then turned back to Naruto.

"On second thought, my leg is heavily injured. Go summon a smaller frog, boy, and let me go back to Mount Myoboku so I can heal," Gamabunta rumbled.

Naruto planted his palm to the ground and concentrated his chakra. Lines of ink spread, and another toad, Gamahiro, appeared in a cloud of smoke. With an… _odd_ maneuver that looked like a cross between a kiss and a game of lacrosse, Yosemite Sam was thrown into the smaller toad's mouth. After completing the exchange Gamabunta dispelled itself into a cloud of chakra smoke, leaving Naruto, Gamahiro, Sasuke, and Sakura standing in the clearing.

—

After a week of travel, with frequent breaks for Kakashi to heal and a couple of fights with ordinary bandits, Team 7 and Gamahiro made it back to Konoha, their second C-rank complete. Yosemite Sam was deposited into one of Konoha's prisons, to be interrogated and researched by various ninja. The mission was quickly changed to an A-rank, with suitable pay extracted from the merchants.

In the following weeks, Hiruzen played a game of keep-away with Danzo, desperately trying to keep the invincible gunslinger Yosemite Sam out of Root's hands. Though there were large amounts of political insults traded, it was nowhere near blows.

Which was why it was such a huge surprise when the old warmonger killed Third Hokage in his sleep.


	11. Unexpected Developments

The assasination was going smoothly at first. Shisui's eye took out Hiruzen's ANBU guards, and the sleeping powder he'd slipped into the Third's tea during their meeting earlier that day had taken effect. He had his Izanagi prepared, just in case it did wear off.

Though Danzo was a powerful and experienced shinobi, not even shinobi are immune to the effects of old age, and the slow failure of their bodies. In fact, due to their use of chakra and healing jutsu, their bodies began to fail in their thirties. In this case, it was Danzo's right leg that failed.

With a loud crack, his leg slipped out from under him, and he fell into the floor, which creaked and groaned. The tremor from his fall traveled to a dresser, causing it to tremble. A vase, precariously balanced on the edge of the dresser, fell to the floor.

"Shit," Danzo swore. The sound would have alerted every ninja in the neighboring buildings. Though Root could deal with them, it would make Konoha weaker and his coup harder to pull off.

Not wanting to waste any more time, he abandoned all pretenses of stealth, drew a kunai, and slit Hiruzen's throat.

—

Bugs Bunny awoke to a loud crash coming from the Hokage's mansion. After blinking a few times, he set off to investigate. It wouldn't be good if his new employer were to die, and besides, he rather liked the old man.

Using his considerable speed, he made it to Hiruzen's mansion in a flash. He opened the door and looked around.

"Anyone home?" he called.

His query was met with silence.

Bugs took a few steps forward, then called again. "Helloooo!"

A tiny flicker of movement and a swish in the air was Bugs's only warning as Danzo moved toward him and pressed a kunai to his throat. "I'd be quiet if I were you," he said.

Bugs pulled out his signature carrot and began to munch on it, seemingly oblivious to the threat posed by the old war hawk. "Eh, what's up, doc?"

Danzo then realized exactly who he was dealing with – the killer rabbit of Konoha. He briefly debated his options. The rabbit was, by all reports, nigh invulnerable, so slitting his throat wouldn't work. Shisui's eye was still recharging, so that was out too. All that was left was stalling with the Izanagi and attempting to trap the rabbit in a Tsukuyomi before he ran out of eyes.

God, that was still a weird sentence to say.

With a quick Body Flicker, he appeared in front of Bugs, Mangekyou Sharingan spinning. A hand seal and a burst of chakra later, the first Izanagi was up.

Upon seeing Danzo's Sharingan-filled arm, Bugs's face changed from one of mild surprise to concern. "Say, doc, dat's one bad arm ya got. Hold still, I'll get da medicine out in just a second…"

_Dammit_, Danzo internally swore. Now that the killer rabbit was avoiding eye contact, springing the Tsukuyomi on him would be much harder. He'd simply have to bide his time and wait for the rabbit to slip up. Hopefully he'd get his chance before any other ninjas loyal to Hiruzen get here.

"Ah! Swallow dis, doc, it'll help ya out," Bugs Bunny said, proffering a teaspoon of some sort of clear liquid. Not waiting for a response, Bugs Bunny opened Danzo's mouth and poured the liquid down his throat.

"Don't forget to shake after drinkin', doc!" Bugs called, then roughly shoved Danzo.

A large explosion blew apart the old ninja's stomach and echoed throughout the house, showering the rabbit with blood and gore. After a moment, however, Danzo's body reformed.

"Huh. I was hoping dat I wouldn't have ta bring in th'operating table. Hold still, doc, I'll be back in just a moment."

Too stunned to move, Danzo did as he was told. Moments later, Bugs returned wearing a white lab coat and surgical mask, pushing an operating table on wheels, while carrying some nasty-looking needles and a surgeon's knife. Selecting one of the needles, Bugs carefully pricked the war hawk's skin and pushed. Chemicals flooded Danzo's body as he struggled to force the rabbit to make contact with one of his eyes.

More syringes pricked his skin, and within a few minutes, his body looked like a pincushion. Izanagi reverted the damage, but Bugs Bunny had a seemingly endless supply of medical tools from his pockets. (Why did a rabbit even _have_ pockets?)

Ten minutes later, the last of his eyes closed, and the various chemicals Bugs had injected mixed to create a deafening explosion inside Danzo's body. The old war hawk died.

—

Elsewhere on the same night, Naruto and Sasuke stood on opposite sides of a field in the third training ground, the same training ground that Kakashi had given them the bell test. The cold night wind whipped through the grasses and through the two Chunins' clothes, causing them to shiver slightly.

"So you actually decided to come, bastard," Naruto said. "I didn't think you'd managed to pull your head far enough out of your ass to find your way here."

"And I'm surprised you actually managed to grow enough enough brain cells to remember when you needed to get here," Sasuke fired back.

"Or maybe you just managed to stop brooding over the fact that you're the last Uchiha to go and fight."

"Are we going to banter all night or are we going to fight?"

"Let's fight, bastard, I'm tired of hearing your voice anyway!"

Both combatants flicked through a multitude of hand seals, pulling out their highest-powered techniques from the onset. Lightning crackled in Sasuke's hand, condensing into a blade which could punch through rock, while Naruto summoned a swirling scythe of wind from one of his suit's many seals.

"Chidori!"

"Seal Art: Wind Shuriken!"

After proclaiming their attacks, the two Chunin rushed at each other. With his Sharingan-enhanced perception, Sasuke slipped under Naruto's swing and brought his Chidori to where Naruto would be. The Uchiha smiled in anticipation of the hit and proclamation of his superiority over the Uzumaki boy.

At the last second, Naruto's trajectory changed due to a line of ninja wire he'd sent trailing out of a storage seal located on his boot. Swinging in an arc, the Uzumaki thrust the howling gales of his wind-based shuriken at Sasuke's stomach.

Sasuke stepped back and blocked with his Chidori. The two techniques met in a flash of chakra, the crackling of the power echoing throughout the field. A ball of white light expanded, engulfing both boys. In the center, the two powerful techniques clashed for dominance.

After half a minute of intense struggle, the two chunin were blasted apart and fell to the soft earth. Without missing a beat, they got up and charged each other again, this time with kunai raised. Their attacks clashed once again in the middle of the field, their power equally matched.

Naruto pressed his kunai against Sasuke's, desperately trying to gain some leverage. As he grunted and strained, he remembered Kakashi's advice.

—

**A few months ago, before Naruto's promotion…**

Kakashi looked at his overeager pupil and sighed. They boy had drive and impressive chakra reserves, as well as a penchant for using high-level jutsu, but he was an idiot when it came to strategy. The only two plans he seemed to be capable of using were 'Attack the enemy head-on with a ton of Shadow Clones' and 'Hide in the shadow clones and try to take his opponent by surprise', both of which would work on a weak opponent but not on anyone stronger than a very green Chunin. There were even some Genin that could counter it easily.

"Naruto," he said.

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei?"

"You want to be a ninja, right? Not one of the rank-and-file samurai?"

"Of course! Samurai can't be Hokage!"

"Then you can't attack head on anymore. A ninja's greatest tool is stealth. They should be able to form a plan and stay so far ahead of their opponent that by the time their enemy realizes they're being attacked, it's already over."

"I'm not sure I get it, sensei."

"Think about like this– If you try to take a missing-nin head on, you'll have a lot of trouble. If you wait until he's sleeping, it'll be easier. If you use a Shadow Clone to monitor his schedule and attack him while he's isolated, it'll be even easier."

"But it's not fair to attack him when he's sleeping!"

"We're ninja, Naruto. We fight dirty. Use any and every advantage you can get, and squeeze them dry."

—

_Fight dirty_, Naruto thought. _I need an advantage, any advantage– ah-ha!_ Smiling, Naruto drew his knee back slightly, and rammed it into Sasuke's groin.

"Ninja Technique: Nutcracker!"

Sasuke stumbled back, howling in pain. "That was dirty! Fight with honor, dammit!"

"We're ninja, Sasuke. We fight dirty."

Sasuke wobbled to his feet, his face contorted. "Just because you pulled some trick doesn't mean you've won, moron. My Sharingan have evolved."

"I don't notice anything. They look creepy as ever."

"Your loss, moron."

Naruto shouted a battlecry, and charged his rival once more. Sasuke cleanly sidestepped the head-on charge, and grabbed hold of Naruto's arm. Then Naruto exploded in a flash of light and a burst of sound.

_A clone_, Sasuke thought. _But when did he have time to switch?_

"I made the Shadow Clone and substituted with it while you were down from the Nutcracker technique!" Naruto called from somewhere in the trees. Sasuke's Sharingan spun, trying to find the source of the noise. As soon as he fixed on a location, however, a wave of kunai flew toward him from every direction. With his enhanced perception telling him where they would hit, he managed to dodge a few, and block a couple more, but many more would be able to hit. Pressing his hands into a short sequence of seals, he substituted himself with a log.

Which was on the same tree as one of Naruto's clones.

The clone used his disorientation from the substitution jutsu to tackle him in a bear hug, taking away his ability to use hand seals. He was now fully at Naruto's mercy. If the clone was going to detonate, he'd be done fore.

"I surrender," Sasuke spat. "You win, Naruto. But you got lucky. It just happened that your clone was in the same tree I substituted to."

"Nope!" Naruto laughed, hopping down from another tree. "I put a clone in _every_ tree in range! I used the kunai to force you to substitute with a log, and remembered that substitution leaves you vulnerable for a short period of time! I'm not Shikamaru, but I _can_ make up awesome plans!"

"What in the world are you two doing here?"

Both chunin turned to the source of the sound. "Kakashi-sensei?"

"I can't believe you two. Fighting like children still in the Academy when the Hokage was being assassinated. You two are Chunin now. You're no longer children, and that means you have to take responsibility. It doesn't matter what personal beef you have with each other – you settle that when you're on leave. When you're on duty, you act like adults. Come. The memorial service is starting."

—

In a nondescript building in the Land of Hot Springs, Orochimaru seated himself at a table. Standing behind him were Kabuto and Elmer Fudd. The Sound Four stood guard outside the building, waiting for the second party to come.

On a dock not too far away, a boat flying the symbol of Namigakure pulled in. Forming a hand seal, Haku moored it with his ice. Zabuza and his apprentice disembarked and made their way over to the building.

"Come in, Zabuza-kun, take a seat," Orochimaru said, gesturing to the chair opposite his. "It's good that you follow up on your Jounin's promise. Now, onto the alliance. My terms are simple. You lend Namigakure's military strength in aid to crush Konoha, as well as giving me access to any and all Kekkei Genkai and Kekkei Tota users. Is there anything else?"

Zabuza slid into his seat warily, checking for possible traps. "You lend me Otogakure's forces so we can take over Water Country and help it recover from the Yondaime's rule. And in terms of Kekkei Genkai, you keep your dirty hands off of Haku, you snake freak. I'm not allying with you because I want to, it's out of necessity, get it?"

"And just why should I keep my hands off the ice user? Compared to me, Zabuza-kun, you're just another insect I can crush on my path to power."

"Haku, show Orochimaru Mister Snuffles. I believe you took him with you during our trip."

"Yes, Zabuza-sama," Haku said, reaching into his kimono and drawing out a cage which contained a small white rabbit. With a hand seal, he formed a key out of ice and unlocked the cage. The rabbit jumped out, excited at the prospect of freedom. Unfortunately for both it and Orochimaru, the first thing it hopped onto was Orochimaru's face.

"Aaaaaagh!" Orochimaru howled. "Gedditoff gedditoff gedditoff help help help helpmedammit!"

"Yes, Owochimawu-sama," Elmer said, readying his shotgun and aiming it at the rabbit. One pull of the trigger later, the rabbit was lying on the table, a bullet stuck in it. Orochimaru's cheek had been blasted apart by the same bullet, and was now bleeding.

"Dammit, Elmer, be more careful with that thing!" Orochimaru yelled. "Kabuto, heal me now."

Kabuto, who was looking very embarrassed at this point, withdrew his face from his palm and performed a quick medical jutsu on his leader's face. "I should have stuck with Sasori," he muttered under his breath. "That guy was far less nutso than Orochimaru."

"WHAT WAS THAT, KABUTO?" Orochimaru yelled.

"Nothing, Orochimaru-sama."

To bring the conversation back to the topic of the alliance, Zabuza coughed into his hand. "Orochimaru-san, unless you agree to my terms, we will be filling this room with the ship's livestock – in this case, hundreds of rabbits. Also, I'd like a large plot of land for Wave Country's rabbit breeders– It's become the national pastime, you see."

"Whatever, just make sure none of those white, fluffy hellspawn come near me ever again!"

—

**A/N: This chapter was rather hard to write. There were tons of ways Naruto vs. Sasuke and Danzo vs. Bugs could have gone, and I still think that Danzo vs. Bugs is a bit weak. I'm probably going to have to break Yosemite Sam out of prison just so Bugs has an enemy on his level.**

**In other news, this story has over 3,000 views! I'm not going to be stopping anytime soon, but there may be a hiatus after the Search for Tsunade arc.**


	12. Jailbreak!

**A/N: As a preemptive response to some questions you may have about this chapter, almost no one knows that Danzo killed Hiruzen. Such knowledge of internal treachery would most likely cause a civil war in Konoha. With Orochimaru and Wave moving around and no clear successor for Hiruzen, this would be disastrous. They can't scapegoat Bugs either, as he's just too strong for them to take on. Even if they do defeat him, it'll leave Konoha crippled. Thus, they decided to cover everything up and pin it on Orochimaru.**

—

The memorial was conducted on a rainy morning. Shinobi from all over Konoha, all dressed in black, made their way to the memorial and funeral of the late Hiruzen and Danzo. Even the seldom-seen ANBU and the usually emotionless members of ROOT had taken a day off from their work to come to the service. It was truly staggering how well-respected the two old teammates were, especially the Professor.

And now they were gone.

Naruto and Sasuke stood together in the front row, dressed in secondhand funeral wear that they had spent a fair portion of their Chunin salary on. Kakashi stood behind them, hands on their shoulders. Whether this was to keep them in line or to comfort them was unknown. The last member of Team 7, Sakura, stood next to the two boys, sniffling all the while. Curiously enough, Bugs Bunny was not present.

As Hayate finished his eulogy, punctuated by his ever-present coughs, four ANBU brought in the caskets. The first was Hiruzen. The old man looked peaceful in death, and the wound given to him by Danzo was covered. The crowd wept as the coffin was closed and lowered into a grave, where an ANBU used an Earth Release jutsu to close it. Flowers were placed on the gravestone by family, friends, and other shinobi who respected the Third Hokage.

Danzo was the next to be buried. It was here that the funeral went awry.

'Rabbit, did you remember to wrap the arm and eye?' one ANBU signed to another, rabbit-masked ANBU

'Yeah, I think so… ohholyshitIforgot! What's going to happen! Help me, man! This can't possibly be happening! Shit, what can I do?' the always-bumbling Rabbit signed back.

'Just cast a genjutsu and hopefully nobody will notice. It's not like the Hyuuga have their Byakugan running during funerals – that would be downright disrespectful.'

'Sure, I'm on it,' Rabbit signed, clasping his hands into a precise sequence of seals. Chakra buzzed around him and covered Danzo's body, giving the image of the bandages the old war hawk usually wore.

Sasuke's Sharingan, still spinning from his earlier fight with Naruto, noticed the genjutsu being cast and the true form of Danzo's arm and eye. "Kai," he muttered softly as he pulsed his chakra to break the genjutsu. The sight he saw snapped something in his mind. Hate boiled to the surface, warping his Sharingan and fully maturing them to their three-tomoe state. Without thinking, he shouted. "What the hell is wrong with Danzo's arm? It's covered with eyes! And his left eye is a Sharingan!"

Flames of rage spread throughout the collected audience, but these were like small candles compared to the inferno that was Sasuke's. A wave of fierce killing intent washed over the memorial, stunning most genin and some chunin as well. When Sasuke spoke again, it was in a guttural hiss that barely masked his intent to murder. "Danzo ordered the Uchiha massacre. He used Itachi-niisan as a scapegoat. He forced my _older brother_. To live in _exile_. As a _nukenin_. He ordered the _slaughter_ of an _entire clan_– the clan that put its _life_ on the line for your _precious_ _village_. And for _what_? _Personal gain_. And the one you all love – the one you weep for right now – that _senile_ old man – stood by and did absolutely _nothing_! Konoha… is rotten to the core. I'm leaving. And the next time I return… I'll be your enemy."

Another burst of killing intent stunned the disordered crowd as Sasuke attempted to leap for the walls. Before Naruto could recover from the burst, Iruka clamped his hand down on the blond chunin's shoulder, preventing him from going after the Uchiha. _With their rivalry_, Iruka thought, _sending Naruto after Sasuke would simply make the situation worse._

Shaking of the blast of negative emotions, Kakashi attempted to grab onto the Uchiha's arm, but with his newly-matured Sharingan, Sasuke easily jumped out of the way. Though he knew that in an extended chase he couldn't hold his own against the elite jounin, the intense hatred he felt urged him on. Though he didn't realize it at the time, this determination would allow him to escape Konoha.

—

The traitor made his way through the alleys of Konoha, keeping to the shadows. It was by sheer luck that his master had chosen the day of the senile old man's memoiral service, but then again, his master knew of many jutsu. Perhaps he knew one to warp luck and change the winds of Fate.

The traitor shook himself out of his reverie and concentrated on the task of hand. Even with this skeleton crew because of the funeral, the jail cells were most likely guarded. He clutched his senbon preemptively – his usual giant shuriken wouldn't do the job here. The whole point of the mission was to go in, free the prisoners, and capture the invincible bandit for Orochimaru's… experiments.

The first guard, located outside the building, went down easily, as the traitor was a man of no small skill. In fact, he'd been a chunin before he defected. The guard didn't even have time to scream for help before the senbon pierced his pressure points, knocking him out but leaving him alive.

Leaving bodies was a novice mistake. Either you gathered the corpses or you left them unconscious, so it looked like they fell asleep on duty. Since the traitor didn't have a storage scroll, leaving them unconscious was the best option.

The next three guards were downed as easily as the first. Slowly but surely, the traitor made his way to the center of the prison complex, where the keys to the cells were located. One guard reclined lazily at the desk, loosely grasping the key ring. A senbon hit the lamp's switch, plunging the room into darkness. The guard got up with a cry of alarm and concentrated chakra into his palms, forming a light and coming face-to-face with the traitor. The traitor's blue-white hair danced in the light, and the way he wore his forehead protector as a bandana was reminiscent of a certain chunin…

"Mizuki?" the guard gasped.

Mizuki gave a predatory smile as he formed a hand seal. "In the flesh." Inhaling sharply, Mizuki spat a fireball at the temporarily stunned guard, burning the guard. The man screamed, but it didn't matter at this point. There would be a lot more chaos soon.

With a quick Earth Release technique, combined with a Fire Release (Mizuki had named the combination Cremation Coffin), he cremated the guard alive and hid the ashes inside the floor. With a triumphant smirk, he seized the key ring and began to unlock the cells.

—

Mizuki arrived at Sam's cell after a lengthy walk. He'd unlocked every cell he came across in order to cause more chaos and divert attention from himself. And now, his task was nearly complete.

Smiling, he selected the proper key on the ring and unlocked the cell. Turning to the short, red-haired bandit, he spoke. "You'll be coming with me, bandit, so that Orochimaru-sama can learn the secret to your invincibility. Now, we can do this in one of two ways: the nice way, where you come with me willingly, or the hard way, where I seal you up in an earth coffin and carry you over. Now, which will it be?"

Sam pulled a ski mask over his face and grabbed a set of knives from god-knows-where. "Ah'm no bandit, ya white-haired varmint! Ah'm Shinobi Sam, the loudest, sneakiest, cut-yer-head-off-iest, slit-yer-throat-iest ninja that ever grabbed a dagger! And ah ain't going ta no Orochimaru. Now say yer prayers, old man, before ah cuts ya ta bits!"

"The hard way, then," Mizuki said calmly, forming a hand seal. The earth caved in under Sam and then resealed itself, entombing the redhead. The box of stone neatly slid from the floor, and the former Chunin picked it up. As he held the box, he noticed a rhythmic tapping coming from the inside. A spiderweb of cracks formed, and Sam emerged, holding a pickaxe which he put back in a comically undersized pocket. With a flick of his wrist, a stream of daggers pelted Mizuki, which the traitor blocked with some kunai of his own.

The traitor sighed. Getting this bandit-turned-shinobi to Orochimaru would be a tough job indeed. The only thing that could make it harder for him would be for some Konoha shinobi to fight their way through the chaos and find him…

—

Bugs Bunny's rather peaceful stroll through Konoha was interrupted by a pair of missing-nin from Iwa. Behind them was a large crowd of criminals, all streaming from the low concrete building that was Konoha's prison. _As a shinobi of Konoha_, Bugs thought, _I better get all dese guys back in their cells. Or that's what the old man said, anyway._

A stone spike which he narrowly jumped around jolted him out of his thoughts. _I've got to be more careful, he thought. These guys ain't like dat snake guy. Dis calls for some strategy!_ Bringing his hands into the cross seal, he created several shadow clones, which vanished into rooftops and alleys.

"Heh. That's one tricky rabbit," one if the ex-Iwa ninja said, placing his palms to the ground. "Let's see how you deal with this! Earth Release: Devastating Landslide!"

The buildings behind Bugs crumbled as the earth shifted, causing tons of stone and dirt to fall on the hare, who puffed out of existence with a whiff of chakra smoke. The landslide, on the other hand, kept moving toward the two missing-nin.

"Jisuberi! What the _hell_ didja do?" said the landslide-causer's partner.

"I'm sorry! I'll fix this right away, Dairiseki! Earth Release: Wall of Stalagmites!"

Pillars of stone shot from the streets, forming a wall of spikes that held back the crushing mound of earth. The landslide-causer's partner, Dairiseki, feld a very sharp pain in his posterior, courtesy of one of Bugs's clones.

"What the hell were you thinking, Jisuberi! Why'd ya havta hit me, too?!"

Jisuberi pointed toward where the Bugs-clone was doing some 'proctology'. "I didn't hit ya, it was that… rabbit…"

As Dairiseki looked down, the Bugs-clone dispersed and the Iwa-nin fell squarely on his posterior. "Yeah, right, Jisuberi. And there'll be a 'rabbit' cuttin' ya up. Wind Release: Vorpal Blade!"

A blade of wind chakra and intense air currents formed on Dairiseki's hand, which he swung toward Jisuberi, who blocked the strike by causing a large tremor in the earth. The blade hit the ground with a loud snicker-snack, cutting a large gash in the earth beneath the landslide-causer's feet.

The tremor Jisuberi had used to block the attack toppled buildings near the site of the battle, boxing in many of the escaped criminals. Bugs and his clones moved quickly through the chaotic crowd, picking off missing-nin and re-imprisoning them. As the crowd thinned, Bugs made his way into the prison complex and left the rest for his clones to handle.

—

Back at the now-disrupted memorial service, the tremors from the landslide and toppled buildings had spread throughout Konoha. The quaking earth disturbed the foundations of several buildings throughout the village, primarily those in the administrative district, which was closest to the blast. The infighting between the two Iwa-nin that Bugs had started created more vibrations, which finished the job of the earlier tremors and caused the carved heads on Hokage Mountain to break off and hit the ground, sending shrapnel everywhere. With his Sharingan blazing, Sasuke leapt through the flying rocks with ease. Kakashi, on the other hand, had a fair bit more trouble. He eventually resorted to unveiling his Sharingan, but the maneuver had cost the jounin precious time.

Sasuke pushed as much chakra as he could into his legs and feet, pumping his legs as hard as he could. He knew that he couldn't keep this pace up forever, but he merely needed to get beyond Konoha's walls. From there, it would be much easier to lose his pursuit. And those bastards would have better stuff to do than locate a single missing chunin – for example, repair the Hokage Monument and find a new Hokage.

His chakra was at half capacity as he ran up and over the village's walls. He'd used his Sharingan extensively to find a path through the toppled buildings and tremors, and doubtlessly Kakashi would have had to do something similar. As he neared the top, he spotted another ninja also attempting to leap over the walls. The ninja had obviously spotted his presence, and turned to face him. The ninja's headband stated that he was from Iwa, and the slash through the village's symbol meant that he had betrayed it at one point. Sasuke subconsciously touched his forehead protector, and realized that the Iwa-nin must think he was a Konoha shinobi out to recapture him. The Uchiha drew a kunai to slash his own forehead protector, when the Iwa-nin spoke.

"Where are ya running, kid? A little shrimp like ya has no business recapturing Dairiseki, former Jounin of Iwagakure. Now git moving."

"Out of my way," Sasuke shot back, forming a Chidori. Dairiseki looked at the technique in surprise, before flipping through hand seals and forming a blade of his own chakra.

"That's the Chidori, eh? Ya must be one of that bastard Kakashi's students. That damn technique got so many of us Iwa-nin, and I didn't want to fight it. So I defected, and spent years making a technique that would counter it. I call it… the Vorpal Blade."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes and charged. "Bring it."

The Chidori's chirping met the snicker-snack of the Vorpal Blade technique, and elemental chakra sparked where the two blades struck each other. Wind chakra won out over lightning, and the deadly blade cut off one of Sasuke's fingers with another snicker-snack. Curiously enough, it was a clean cut with no blood.

"They let a moron like ya be a chunin? Konoha must be gettin' soft, back in th' war, not knowing elemental chakra woulda meant ya were a genin for the rest of yer days. Wind beats lightning, dumbass."

Sasuke gritted his teeth but didn't speak. Instead, he flipped through another sequence of seals, ending at Tiger, upon which he breathed in and concentrated heat in his lungs, then exhaled a stream of fire, which was stoked by the air currents of the Vorpal Blade and turned into a raging inferno.

The ex-Iwa shinobi suddenly realized that the wall he was standing on was made of wood, and he couldn't sink into it with his standard Earth Release techniques. Crying in pain, Dairiseki jumped from the wall and sank into the earth outside, snuffing out the flames. Sasuke followed suit, as the wooden wall was quickly being consumed by the inferno. Pumping more chakra to his legs, the ex-Konoha chunin began to run for the border of Fire Country.

—

**A/N: I've cut a few scenes from this chapter as it was already getting a bit long. The scenes with Mizuki ran for a bit longer than I expected, so Bugs vs. Sam will be in the next chapter, not this one.**

**As for the names of the two missing-nin from Iwa, I used Google Translate to translate the words Landslide and Marble to Japanese. Do you guys like it? Any names or corrections you suggest in the reviews would be very much appreciated!**


	13. Sam's Escape

**A/N: Thanks for your reviews, everyone! To respond to GamerX568, I corrected the mistake with 'attempted'. At the beginning of Chapter 11, it was noted that Hiruzen was drugged earlier that day by Danzo, so he couldn't possibly wake up. Also, there's evidence in canon that Hiruzen's danger sense isn't as acute as you think. During the Chunin Exams, Orochimaru managed to stay beside him, disguised as the Kazekage, for hours, and Orochimaru was exuding killing intent during that time.**

**Naruto was being restrained by Iruka while Sasuke was running away. I've added a few sentences to Chapter 12 to make it make more sense.**

—

Bugs passed another downed guard as he made his way through the prison complex. Neither he nor his clones had seen Sam in that large crowd, and the bandit didn't have the mobility to escape after the tremors. Thus, the redhead must still be in the prison complex.

He'd sent a few of his clones (the ones not currently stuffing the escaped criminals in cells) down the various tunnels of the complex, with orders to engage if they did find Sam, as his usual 'fighting style' revolved around taking as few hits as possible.

Edging along the wall and directing one of his long ears around the corner, he picked up a faint yell from further down the hall. As he crept closer, he managed to pick out some of the words.

"...slit-yer-throat-iest ninja that ever grabbed a dagger! An' ah ain't…" came the faint words, spoken in the familiar tenor of the red-haired bandit.

_That's Sam all right_, Bugs thought. _He was always switching between professions like nobody's business. The wily rabbit executed his usual jutsu – the Shadow Clone Jutsu – and made his way down the hall, with the shadow clone he had just created coming in from the other side in a pincer maneuver._

As he slunk closer, he noticed the sounds of dagger on kunai. Taking out a flashlight, he looked and saw Sam in a ski mask furiously swiping with a dagger, as well as an unknown white-haired man attempting to block the strikes, and mostly succeeding. Peering further, he noticed that the white-haired man's forehead protector showed a leaf with a slash through it. As he'd been told by his fellow ANBU, almost all shinobi who sport the leaf are shinobi of Konoha. So he did what was logical, and pulled out a carrot, and munched on it.

"What's up, doc?" he said, tapping Mitsuki on the shoulder. "Need some help with dat weirdo?"

"If you mean the red-haired short guy with a bad temper, I'd be very grateful. Orochimaru-sama will thank you," Mitsuki responded, parrying and dodging several more lightning-quick slashes.

"Orochimaru? But he's tryin' ta crush Leaf, isn't he? And aren't you an ally of Leaf? Ya know, because of dat headband?"

Mitsuki gritted his teeth. First the damn bandit-turned-shinobi-cosplayer, now this damn rabbit? "Now look here, you idiot, the leaf headband on my head has a _slash_ through it. That means I am a _missing-nin_ from Konoha."

"But if you're a missing-nin, shouldn't you be in the cells, doc?"

Mitsuki did his best to keep his anger from boiling over. "Of course I'm supposed to be, you damn rabbit, but I'm not, because no one's forcing me to."

Bugs waved his arm and pointed to a nearby cell. "Dis conversation's getting interesting, doc. Can we step over into dat room for a bit? I think dat Shorty over dere is getting rather annoyed, and when he explodes, we don't want to anywhere nearby."

The missing-nin nodded dumbly and stepped into the cell, then slammed the door on him. "Stay outta here, ya retarded rabbit, I'm not spending another second in your presense!"

"Works fine for me, doc," Bugs responded, locking the cell door while ducking under Sam's wild strikes. "Now I gotta go, see ya!"

As the wily rabbit raced down the hall with the dagger-wielding redhead closely following, Mitsuki turned a very interesting shade of purple, and formed a hand seal. "You're not getting away with that, rabbit!" he cried, then sunk into the stone.

Farther down the corridor, Bugs opened a cell door of solid steel – probably one of the 'maximum security' ones – then hid behind the opened door and produced a shadow clone which ran into the cell.

Sam, predictably, followed the clone into the cell. When he jumped and stabbed the fake rabbit, it turned into a puff of chakra smoke, causing him to sprawl onto the floor of the cell. His dagger fell out of his hands in the sudden impact, and skittered across the floor and under the door, which Bugs was in the process of closing.

This would have been the end for Sam if Mitsuki had not intervened, and pulled the redhead into the earth by his ankles. A few feet into the earth, Mitsuki realized that he had been duped– Bugs had sent a clone into the cell, knowing he and Sam would follow, and attempted to get the two of them in one fell swoop. He'd made Mitsuki angry enough that he wouldn't exercise proper caution and confirm that what he was grabbing was the rabbit and not, in fact, the extraordinarily volatile bandit that was his mission objective–

Wait a minute. He was inside the stone, where the rabbit couldn't follow, and holding his mission objective. That rabbit had screwed up big time. Chuckling softly to himself, Mitsuki began the mad dash toward Konoha's walls.

A few moments later, as the ex-chunin reached the border of the prison complex and emerged from the stone. Upon regaining his senses and recovering from his disorientation, he looked directly at Mitsuki, and said, "Let go of me, ya damn galoot, or ah'll blow ya ta kingdom come!"

Mitsuki chose to ignore him and instead pumped chakra into his legs and ran for the walls. Orochimaru, in his infinite wisdom, had chosen to send not one, but two operatives: one to break the volatile bandit out of prison and another to carry the target to the Fire-Sound border. Thus all he had to do was get to the second operative's location, which was somewhere close to the walls.

As the white-haired Oto operative leapt over toppled buildings and boulders, Sam grabbed a pack of dynamite from god-knows-where and tied it to Mitsuki's back. "Ah'm a countin' ta five, and if ya don't let me off then, a'll blow ya ta bits!" the redhead proclaimed. "One! Two! Three! Four! Fi–"

Sam's count was cut off by a tree limb that slapped him off of Mitsuki's back and onto the ground. As the white-haired chunin picked him up and got moving again, he proclaimed defiantly, "I'm only going ta count ta three this time! One! Two! Thr–"

Once again the redhead's count was stopped, this time by Mitsuki's sudden stop flinging the redhead and his dynamite off his back and into the raging inferno that was Konoha's walls. The extreme heat from the flames set off the dynamite, leaving a crater with a very dead and exploded Mitsuki and one high-velocity Shinobi Sam flying over the walls to the place where Elmer Fudd waited.

—

One week later, the situation in Konoha had (mostly) calmed down. Tsunade had been chosen as the Fifth Hokage (both Bugs and Jiraiya had been offered the position, and the offers were both immediately revoked – Bugs's offer because he immediately asked what a Hokage does, and Jiraiya's because he realized that being Hokage would give him enough power to force all women in Konoha to go around nude at all times) and a team was being assembled to bring her back to Konoha.

Sasuke, Dairiseki, and Yosemite Sam were still at large, but Bugs Bunny and a team of ANBU had been dispatched to go seek them out. Thankfully, no other Konoha shinobi had believed Sasuke's outburst at the funeral, and simply believed that he had gone the way of Itachi.

ROOT had been uncovered, and the deprogramming attempt was (so far) successful. Surprisingly enough, Naruto was very good at connecting with the near-emotionless kids (though nearly every shinobi of Konoha now had to watch their back – Naruto had used pranks as his preferred method of teaching).

Far off in Amegakure, the Akatsuki stirred…

—

**A/N: I'll be switching to a monthly update schedule, due to the fact that school will be starting up soon and I've got a heavy load this semester.**


	14. Why One Shouldn't Make Tsunade Angry

Naruto and Sai ran through a town on the outskirts of Fire Country. The two had become fast friends during the weeks of 'deprogramming', and were promptly assigned the mission of tracking down Tsunade, with Jiraiya 'leading' them, for a given value of 'leading'. In this case, 'leading' meant going off into the hot springs while Naruto and Sai looked through various casinos and bars. That's not to say he didn't teach the pair of Chunin anything—Naruto and Sai's sealing had gotten much better, and Naruto was beginning to figure out the Ransengan.

As the two turned a corner into an alleyway, the brick wall of the house to their right exploded, and stones rained down on the two. Sai drew a monkey in chakra ink, which promptly sprang to life and started catching the stones, when one of the high-velocity pebbles hit Naruto. When the smoke cleared, only Naruto's clothes lay on the ground. After a few moments of muted horror, Sai realized the blond's plan and kept running.

One very angry Tsunade rounded the corner with a cry of rage, passed over Naruto's clothes, and punched the already-weakened wall of a nearby building.

Sai drew a barrier of chakra ink to slow the Sannin's assault, then kept running. He was already halfway to the hot springs, where Jiraiya most likely was, and he wasn't stupid enough to attempt to engage one of the Sannin. As he ran, he thought back to how this situation had started…

—

**A few hours ago...**

Naruto and Sai entered the fourth bar in the town. The previous three had had most of their liquor stores consumed by, as the bartenders described her, a 'no-nonsense, blond woman with knockers thiiiiis big and a diamond tattoo on her forehead'. In other words, Tsunade. Given what Jiraiya had said about the Slug Princess's drinking problem, she would most likely be hitting another bar by now. The two headed to the next bar on the far side of town.

—

Naruto opened the door of the dilapidated building. It was the seediest-looking place they had been so far, and the patrons reflected the state of the building. The smell of strong grain spirits and rice wine assaulted the boys' nostrils. People looking as though they had reached rock bottom drank entire bottles of high-proof liquor. Sitting on one of the barstools at the counter was a woman who matched the description they had been given. Though at first glance she looked as wasted as the others at the bar, there was an unmistakable air of power about her.

"You two boys shouldn't be here," the bartender said. "Go run along. You're too young to have ruined your life already."

"We're just looking for a person," Sai said with one of his trademark fake smiles. He then tapped his forehead protector. "For a mission. We're shinobi, you see."

The bartender nodded, then ran grab another bottle of sake as Tsunade finished the one she was on. "If you could get that woman out of here, I'd appreciate it. She's been draining my stores for an hour."

Sai tilted his head in acknowledgement and walked over to where Tsunade was sitting, Naruto in tow. Taking a seat at a nearby barstool, he tapped the blonde on the shoulder.

"What do you want, kid?" she asked grumpily, turning her head.

"You're Hokage now," Naruto said.

"Very funny. Go run along and prank someone else. How did you kids get in here, anyway?"

"We're shinobi, and it's not a prank." Ruffling through the various pockets on his orange shirt, Naruto produced an official-looking form. "Just sign here and come back to Konoha, everything's in order."

Tsunade tightened her grip on the bottle of sake she held, shattering it. "Fuck off, kid. I don't have time to play games."

"I assure you, Tsunade-sama, this is no joke—" Sai began, before the bartender cut him off.

"Miss Tsunade, I'll need you to sign the bill. I'm all out of sake and the bar's closing soon," he said.

The sannin grumbled, then fished around in her pockets for a pen and signed the document placed in front of her. Then her eyes widened in horror at what she realized she had signed. As Sai grabbed the document, Tsunade cast her gaze over at Naruto, whose hands were in the ending seal of the Substitution Jutsu. The orange-wearing blond grinned like a kid caught with his hands in the cookie jar.

For a moment, all was silent. Then the bar exploded, with Naruto and Sai running from the shrapnel.

—

**Back to the present…**

As Tsunade leapt after Sai, who was attempting to make a getaway on a bird of chakra ink, Naruto undid the Transformation Jutsu he had casted on himself to become his clone's clothes. Pushing chakra from his fingertips in such a way that it formed a spinning ball, he attempted to form a Ransegnan. To add to the rotation, he placed his second hand over his first hand, forming a wildly spinning ball of chakra. Though Jiraiya had asked him not to use seals in the creation of the Ransegnan, this was an emergency. Grabbing a seal from a pocket on the collar of his shirt with his teeth, he completed the Ransegnan's rotation and formed it into a stable, spiralling ball of chakra. With his now-free hand, he made a shadow clone, which threw him at Tsunade.

True to her reputation, the Slug Sannin deflected the attack with a kick to Naruto's stomach, which sent him flying into a wall of a nearby building. His body impacted the bricks, which cracked and fell on him in a pile. The wall turned out to be load-bearing, and its destruction caused the building to collapse on Naruto.

"That's one brat out," Tsunade growled. "And one more to go."

As she looked up to locate Sai, she was greeted with a tiger falling from the sky, thanks to the boy's art techniques. Swatting it away as one might swat a fly, she jumped into the air and caught the tail of the ink falcon Sai was flying on, pulling the bird down to earth.

Another powerful punch knocked the ex-ROOT chunin into a dumpster, causing it to crumple on impact. Slimy banana peels and rotten tomatoes covered Sai as he slumped from the impact.

Surveying the destruction she'd caused, Tsunade put her hands on her hips. "I haven't had fun like that in a while. Still, I wonder how late the casinos are open…"

As she trailed off in thought, the pile of rubble covering Naruto began to shift and then burst with shadow clones, all wielding Ransegnans. Standing atop the pile of bricks was the original Naruto. An aura of red chakra surrounded him and his clones.

"I'm not giving up!" he proclaimed. "I won't be beaten! I'm not gonna fall until I become Hokage! Now bring it, granny!"

—

Bugs Bunny made his way to the border with Rain. True to the country's name, as he'd approached the weather had become more humid, and the sky became overcast. When he got close, it finally began raining and the massive gate at the border loomed before him.

A guard ninja stopped him. "Your name?" he asked.

"King Arthur of Camelot," Bugs responded, using he had been given by Konoha's spy force.

"Quest?"

"To seek da Holy Grail."

"And the airspeed of an unladen swallow?"

"African or European?"

"Wrong answer."

"What?!"

"That was last month's password," the guard-nin said, moving his hands into position. "Prepare to die in the name of Lord Pain."

"I bet you're just too much of a _coward_ to let me in," Bugs taunted. "If dis Pain guy is stronger den ya, and you can beat me, the Pain should beat me no problem. So why not let me in?"

"I am not a coward," the rain-nin said calmly. "I am simply doing my job, given to me by the great god Pain."

"Really? Then I dare ya to step over dis line," Bugs said, drawing a line in the mud.

"I don't have time to partake in such foolishness," the rain-nin responded. "Water Release: Cleansing Flood!"

A huge flood of water burst from the rain-nin's hands, flooding the already-soaked ground and blasting away shrubs. As the mud settled and the water spread out, one sopping wet Bugs Bunny was revealed.

"I guess I needed dat shower after all dat mud. Thanks, doc," he said. "But ya know, I bet dat da guys in Konoha will have a nice laugh about how chicken da guys in Amegakure are. Can't even step over a line in da mud!"

"Wait, wait!" the rain-nin said. "I'll step over your line. Just don't go spreading rumors. I don't want Lord Pain killing people needlessly."

"Good!" Bugs said. "Now I dare ya to step over dis one!"

—

**Two Hours Later**

"And dis one!" Bugs proclaimed, drawing a line in the mud with his toe and stepping back. The rain-nin followed.

"Say, doc, we've ended up inside!" the rabbit said, pointing to the enormous iron gates. "Would you mind letting me out?"

"Sure," the rain-nin said. "If it means the end of your silly game."

"Of course I'll stop once you let me out," Bugs said. "You have my word, doc."

With a hand seal from the guard ninja, the gates creaked open. Bugs walked inside, chuckling to himself once he was out of earshot.

Half a minute later, the rain-nin realized his mistake and howled to the heavens.


End file.
